


The Name is Tozier [REDDIE]

by Mystic_Talon



Category: IT, IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Adulting, Confusion, Death, Depression, F/M, Healing, Heartache, Hurt, Love, M/M, Multi, PTSD, disbelief, happiness, life - Freeform, losers - Freeform, middleground, struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-01-16 17:51:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 33,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystic_Talon/pseuds/Mystic_Talon
Summary: News Caster 2: We found a body....a live one. A 40 year old man by the name of Eddie Kaspbrak according to his ID. From his injuries we expected that he would’ve died being underneath all the rubble. But apparently there was a small opening that he dragged his body in and waited till help came.News Caster 1: Thank god we did the investigation right? The most upsetting thing to all of this is no one claimed the guy. But he wouldn’t shut up about a Richie guy?News Caster 2: Wait. Like Richie Tozier? The famous comedian of New York????News Caster 1: Don’t get your hopes up bitch. There’s many other Richards that are prob called RichieNews Caster 2: Most are called DickThe news casters share a few laughs as the one watching this new report was Beverly. She looked at it with tear filled eyes panicking as she grabbed her phone.“Bev what’s wrong?” Ben walked in to check on her.“E-Eddie is alive...” Bev starts crying as the news continued on the story while she called her fellow losers.Except Richie.





	1. Kaspbrak Funeral [Pt. 1]

Two months have passed since the death of Pennywise

Two months since the death of Eddie Kaspbrak...

Bev has officially moved in with Ben in his home in California, Mike decided to travel after spending forever in Derry, Bill fell off the face of the earth during the two months, and for Richie he took a pause on his comedic career to take in all that has happened. 

“So...Mrs Kaspbrak is having a funeral for Eddie in New York. We got invited. So did all the other losers. All I know is Mike is gonna be there. Bill went off the grid and Richie...god” Ben frowns as he stops eating. “Have you heard from Richie, Bev? He’s talked to you a lot in high school”

“Doesn’t mean he’s talked to me a lot as an adult. Ben remember. We just got full control over our memories with every loser. I haven’t talked to Richie in depth since high school”

“Well he does live in California. We can go see him”

“What like attack him at one of his shows? I highly doubt he’s gonna perform until this misery passes over”

“Misery? Are you talking about Eddie?”

“Yes...We all saw how torn he was when Eddie died. What makes you think he’s just going to let that go...it was the love of his life”

“You...remember that small token from the past?”

“That Richie trusted me with everything? Yeah” Bev frowns as she checks her phone for the moment always thinking she’ll get a message one day from the things of her past she had forgotten. “Hopefully he’s alright...”

As the two enjoy themselves for the moment...meanwhile...

Eddie My love....

I love you so....

Please Eddie...

Don’t make me wait to long....

Eddie please write...

Write me one line....

As the song continues Richie stayed under his blankets staring at an old picture of him with the other losers. Especially the fact that he stood next to Eddie, smiling big, old feelings still floating around in his head, and the pain of watching the love of his life play over...

And over....

And over again..all in his head. Making him stay in the depressed state he’s been in since it happened. 

As the weeks have gone by....

Bev and Ben were walking into this rather eye sore of a church in the middle of New York City dressed in black of course. The two expected to find more people or at least Eddie’s wife. But when they entered the church they only found Mike who stood confused. 

“Mike?”

“Bev! Ben! Hey...uh do you know what’s going on?” Mike asks walking to the two other confused losers. “I thought it was today”

“It is today. Myra isn’t here?” Ben asks leaning against a pew. 

“Nope. Which is even more confusing...” Mike frowns as the three flinch to the big ass chapel doors opening. 

“Thought I’d be fucking late...” 

The three expected it to be Richie who would say he’s fashionably late. But instead they got a well off looking Bill staring at the three. 

“WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN”

“Bev don’t cuss in a church”

“Ben shut up!” Bev walks over angrily grabbing Bill’s collar angrily. “You fell off the fucking radar”

“Uh. I’m sorry?”

“EXPLAIN YOURSELF” Mike yells as Ben stood there uncomfortable by all the tension. 

“Uhh I don’t really know how to explain a-any of this...” Bill says nervously as Bev lets go even more confused. “Okay...Uhh”

“Bill. I thought the stuttering stop” a familiar voice speaks as Bill stood even more nervously as the three jaw dropped. 

“STAN?!” The three said in unison as their “dead” loser Stanley walks into the light staring at the three. 

“You’re supposed to be dead”

“Your wife told us you were dead”

“This can’t be happening”

“I’m dreaming”

“God someone punch me to see if I’m dreaming”

“You mean pinch??”

“NO MIKE. FUCKING PUNCH ME”

“Lets not punch Bev...” Ben says nervously as the three continue to be awkward and questioning every little thing. 

Stanley gestured them to sit so he could explain himself and Bill could explain as well. 

“So remember when we defeated Pennywise and noticed that the scars on our hands disappeared?” Bill asks as he watches them nod. “Well not to be very forceful of Stanley but” he grabbed Stanley’s forearms lifting up his sleeves showing the scars from his bath time. Stanley soon opened his hand showing no scar. “This weird shit. Like the energy that brought Neibolt to cave in on itself? Brought him back”

“But. When I talked to his wife. The day we realized Mike was gonna have us kill that fucking clown....She told me they took you away”

“You think taking me away is automatically taking me to the morgue? I know Bill likes to think it was the death of Pennywise that brought me back. Which don’t get me wrong. It is a fucking factor. BUT. They stitched my wrists, had me on a vent, and my ex wife had hope that I’d live again”

“Ex wife???” Mike and Ben said in unison as Bev went to go pace and process everything. 

“What? You think I fucking woke up the day Neibolt collapsed on Eddie? No! I woke up a month ago. And my wife had moved on”

“That’s rough...” 

The five look at the main doors to their surprise, the man came out of his cave. Richie dressed in his typical black suit with bags under his eyes. 

“Richie...you actually-“

“Of fucking course I did Bev. Fucking why wouldn’t I have come to THE LOVE OF MY FUCKING LIFE’S FUNERAL” Richie snaps as the grieving pain expressed through his words with the physical aspect of the tears rolling down his cheeks. “Now I thought.I was going to be fashionably late standing in the back drinking my sorrows while I watch fucking Myra cry her fucking eyes out” he states watching the five look dumbfounded as he groans reaching into his jacket pocket taking out his flask. “Guess I’m going to drown myself instead” 

“Rich, don’t leave. You shouldn’t be alone” Stanley frowns as the inner guardian from their high school days seeped through. “We can all use a drink or three..”

“Then hurry the fuck up and let’s go. Can’t believe I left my fucking house to find out that this funeral was cancelled”

After some time the six find themselves in an underground bar, taking up the only round booth of the entire place, and the dart board right next to them for a soon to be drunk Richie to accidentally stab his foot with a dart. Ben and Mike were watching Richie take down every shot he’s been given within seconds which worried the two in many more ways than one. 

“So technically you were dead”

“Yes. But not fully. That’s why I’ve been on a vent and given many drugs to help myself stay alive”

“Don’t forget the anti depressants they prescribed”

“Bill. You try having to shove those and a few others be shoved down your throat every single day” Stanley groans before getting up and going to the bar to get a drink. 

“GET ME ANOTHER STANNLEEYYY” Richie groans before resting his head on the table. 

Bev frowns looking at his glasses as they were still the same ones from the water. Cracks and all. She rested her hand on his back feeling him exhale with the tears starting to roll down his face once again. 

“You’re like a sponge...”

“Shut up Bev...”

“Okay...” She frowns rubbing circles comforting him the best she can. 

“So. Why were you with Stanley, Bill? That’s the biggest thing I’m curious about..” Ben questions as Bill’s face said it all with how red it got. “Oh my god. The shit from high school WAS TRUE”

“The fuck are you talking about Ben?” Mike asks as Richie starts laughing. 

“Stan and I were gay disasters. Except he grew a pair and asked Bill out....while...I watched Eddie just exist...in every perfect way...” Richie frowns watching a few more shots slide in front of him. “Thanks buddy...”

“Beep beep Richie” Stanley frowns sitting back next to Bill. “But yeah he’s not wrong. Bill and I are a thing. Since...the memories were erased for 27 years. Thank god they’re back” he drinks his scotch as Richie seat up mouthing the shot glass and downing it immediately. “He’s going to lose his liver”

“Just let him drown himself for right now. He’ll have a hell of a hangover tomorrow but he’ll be fine” Mike frowns patting Richie’s back as all of them watch Richie stand up leaving. “Rich-“

“I’m going to my hotel room...I need to be alone” Richie frowns leaving the five. 

Eddie my love....

I’m sick in bed...

The very next day might be my last....

Please Eddie don't make me wait....

too long...


	2. Kaspbrak Funeral [Pt. 2]

“Can’t believe Stanley is alive”

“Bev please stop saying it like that”

“What? I’m only being honest”

“Well too honest” Ben laughs nervously before opening their hotel room as Bev immediately kicked her heels off before climbing into bed. “Do you mind if I turned on the news?”

“So you can see if one of your buildings is presented?”

“No” Ben laughs a bit taking his coat off. “Because I actually watch the news”

“Sometimes New York news is just them trashing their own state”

“It’s better than listening about a country getting bombed” 

“True I guess...”

“I’m gonna make coffee...if I can figure out how to work it” Ben walks to the counter in between the closet and the bathroom. 

“You’re an architect and you can’t work a coffee maker that’s actually really-...” Bev stops talking to listen to the news report. 

News Caster 1: Evening New Yorkers! Breaking news isn’t coming from this shit hole of a state. But by our upstairs neighbor Maine. Derry, Maine to be exact. The house on Neibolt street, this creepy abandoned one suddenly collapsed in on itself this recent summer so we decided to do our investigation on why it did collapse. But that’s not the breaking news...

News Caster 2: We found a body....a live one. A 40 year old man by the name of Eddie Kaspbrak according to his ID. From his injuries we expected that he would’ve died being underneath all the rubble. But apparently there was a small opening that he dragged his body in and waited till help came. 

News Caster 1: Thank god we did the investigation right? The most upsetting thing to all of this is no one claimed the guy. But he wouldn’t shut up about a Richie guy?

News Caster 2: Wait. Like Richie Tozier? The famous comedian of New York????

News Caster 1: Don’t get your hopes up bitch. There’s many other Richards that are prob called Richie

News Caster 2: Most are called Dick 

The news casters share a few laughs as the one watching this new report was Beverly. She looked at it with tear filled eyes panicking as she grabbed her phone. 

“Bev what’s wrong?” Ben walked in to check on her. 

“E-Eddie is alive...” Bev starts crying as the news continued on the story while she called her fellow losers. 

Except Richie.

“WHO THE FUCK IS GONNA TELL RICHIE” Stanley snaps as the losers minus now two were all in Bev and Ben’s hotel room. 

“NO ONE”

“THAT WONT SOLVE ANY PROBLEMS”

“WHAT PROBLEMS HES ALIVE” Bill snaps as all of their phones started dinging. 

Of course the losers have a group chat....

Group chat....

“Oh god” Mike frowns as Eddie was sending messages but it was his wife texting for him the details. “That’s why it was cancelled”

“Myra fucking knew before the news casters blurted it in their segment” Stanley frowns as he soon got a terrible feeling. “Oh god. Richie” he left the hotel room with the other losers following as they were confused until Bill explained that Stanley was given Richie’s hotel number when he was at the bar. In case Richie needed a friend. 

In this case

He needs all of his losers....

Stanley reaches his hotel room and when he went to knock, the door was open a crack. He let himself in with the others following as he looks around not finding him except for his things tossed all over the room and the news on. 

“He knows”

“Fuck”

“He should’ve had time to process the sudden news”

“Yeah but at least we know where he’s at. So who the fuck has a car” Stanley asks as Ben raises his hand before suddenly getting pushed out of the room along with the others. “Lets go Benny boy and find our idiot”

“Loser”

“Shut up smartass” Stanley snaps at Bill as he was in full pure panic dad mode. Not being literal but even if he is Richie’s best friend, he was still a guardian in more sense than one. 

As the losers make their way to the hospital they find Richie talking to Myra but as much as they wanted to walk over. They saw Myra smack the glasses right off Richie’s face before storming off away from Eddie’s hospital room. Richie stood there for a moment feeling the pain grow in his chest. He suddenly turned around and punched his hand straight through the wall. 

“FUCK” Richie snaps as he pulls his hand out of the wall before pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Sir your hand is bleeding...” The nurse asks as she noticed his action after walking out of Eddie’s room. 

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re-“

“IM FUCKING-“ Richie was suddenly cut off by Stanley covering his mouth. 

“He’s fine. If it hurts. He’ll get checked out in a minute.” Stanley states before gesturing the nurse to leave which she did out of fear. He immediately grabs Richie’s face watching the tears streaming down his face. “Rich. Come on...you were supposed to process. Not hurt yourself”

“He’s...Alive....and I ditched him down there...I-I left him there to die...” He cries as Stanley brought him into his arms holding him until he calms down. 

“We made you leave him down there Richie, if Eddie were to ever ask. It’s on the rest of us...not you” Bev tries to reassure as Richie let’s go of Stanley before grabbing Bev’s shoulders. 

“I. Left. The man I love. Under Neibolt...” Richie snaps as he watches Bev’s expression went into one of worry. “I don’t care who decided to do this or that. You had to force me out of that cavern. But I left him there when I could’ve fucking pulled him out” 

Before anyone could add anything, Richie removes himself out of the hallway going outside to take a breather. As Stanley as about to go after Richie, Bill stopped him before going himself. Leaving the remaining four to be greeted by the doctor and lead into Eddie’s room. 

“His wife had personal matters and had to leave. Even if this IS a personal matter” The doctor states as she writes down vitals and checks everything. “He’s no longer on a vent. He’s breathing on his own is pretty much what that means. Do you want me to explain everything or?”

“Yes. Yes please. I need science for once instead of however the fuck you came back Stan” Bev states as Stanley rolls his eyes annoyed. 

“He came in with internal injuries, but when we had to cut his shirt off we saw a deep scarred puncture wound. Which not only was concerning on how it got there or what caused it, but we had to get rid of a lot of the scar tissue. That was the main concern as the internal bleeding was caused by some damage to the internal organs that were “easy fixes” but still took time” The doctor says calmly setting down the chart and leaning against the wall. “Do you have any questions or need any explanations of what I just said?”

“How did they find him, if you know that by any chance..we heard from the news report that he found somewhere under Neibolt to protect his body. But that doesn’t explain how he survived down there” Mike states as the doctor flipped through the paramedic reports before looking back at them. 

“The paramedics that found him, found him breathing but unconscious. The injury report is practically what I’ve told you. Besides the time he was on the vent and intubated at the scene to protect his breathing. How they got him out of there I wouldn’t know for I’m not a firefighter and they don’t always say that to the surgeons”

“Richie could’ve dragged him out...” Ben frowns as he walks to Eddie’s side looking down at his hands before picking up one of his hands. “Seems like he dug himself a safe spot. His fingers are darker than usual”

“Please don’t over analyze Eddie, Ben. He’s alive. He got out of there. Etcetera etcetera” Stanley frowns looking at Eddie with concern as he rests his hands on his ankles. “I swear. The report said he was asking for Richie. Can you explain that?!” 

“Before he was intubated, he kept saying someone’s name. We obviously don’t know who this person he’s talking about is. But we believe once the body relaxes since the adrenaline calmed down, whatever happens just happens.”

“That sounds very doctor like-“

Eddie suddenly gasps making the four losers scream as the doctor immediately went into do a neuro check. 

“Welcome back Mr. Kaspbrak”


	3. Alcohol is a Painkiller [Pt. 1]

Bill walks out of the hospital into the cold night staring at Richie leaning up against a light post smoking. He sighs walking up to him about to ask if he’s alright but Richie already groaned when he walked up next to him. 

“You’re afraid?”

“Afraid of fucking what Bill”

“Eddie hating you for leaving him down there”

“Bill. You just love jumping the gun. Do you want me to beat your ass up?!”

“Your fucking dumbass won’t be able to stay balanced. Who knows what drinks courses through your system still?” 

The two stared at each other before sharing a very short laugh. Richie laughs to the point he started crying as Bill rests his hand on his back. 

“He’s going to hate me....”

Meanwhile...

“Am I dead....”

“Why would we be here if you were Eddie?” Bev laughs as she was crying from how happy she was for him to be alive. 

“But Stanley’s here...”

“Oh my god I’m not explaining it to him” Stanley groans face palming. 

“Am....am I dying? Is that why Stanley’s here?” Eddie groans before gripping his chest to make his coughing less painful. 

“Well Mr. Kaspbrak, I’ll be back in an hour for another check. But by the looks of your friends not explaining. I’m guessing science is the reason he’s still alive” The doctor laughs before escorting herself out of the patient room. 

“I’m not going to explain it. I’m going to have Bill do it when he brings Richie back in” Stanley says calmly leaning up against the wall as Bev sat by Eddie’s feet. She watches him try to get up which concerned everyone. 

“Hey stay in the bed Eddie” Mike reassures holding his shoulder keeping him down as does Ben. 

“Stanley go get the two” Bev waves off Stanley who did exactly what was asked of him. “Eddie he is here”

“H-....He...Fucking Richard” Eddie brought one of his hands to cover his eyes as he started balling. 

Bev frowns resting her hand on his leg as a comfort like method. None of them knew what to say as they let him break down. 

Stanley ran out of the hospital finding Bill and Richie sitting on the curb of the roundabout for load offs. He was about to walk up to them but decided to eavesdrop for the moment. 

“When we went back to Derry, all my memories came back of Eddie. And my heart dropped. Afraid something will happen. And...My best friend was dead. I...c-couldn’t talk to him then. So I kept this dirty little secret of my closeted ass to myself....even when Eddie died in front of me...but before you dragged me out of there..I told him how I felt as I held onto his body. Then shit crumbled around us and we needed to go. But I shouldn’t have gone....I shouldn’t have Bill..”

“We made you get out of there...we made you leave him behind. So you can put the blame on us instead of yourself. You don’t need to always feel shit.” Bill frowns as he tried to reassure the best he can since he himself was still confused. “I have feelings for Stanley, I knew I did when we took the blood oath. But I was afraid. Of every outcome. Even the ones that make me the man I am right now”

“Did you even tell him your feelings? Like. Of course not the poor timing I did. But hey did you tell him? Since not only me but you went off the radar spending your time with Stanley”

“I was his other emergency contact besides his ex wife. That’s like the “main” reason that seems normal. But my wife and I were going through a rough patch. I needed a friend. So I took the opportunity”

“That sounds very weird. Taking up opportunity. Like. Leaving Derry blocked our memories but once everything came back, I remember him and I always sharing our secrets. That you probably know a few”

“Are you talking about the one where he’s gay? He told me that one. But I didn’t think he liked me. I surely didn’t want to say my feelings because I was afraid. And he was on anti-depressants, 24 hour Suicide watch, and a lot of therapy. I was there after every session to hang out with him. Finding myself sleeping in the chair by his bed. I found moments where I was holding his hand as he slept. And I wanted to cry. I really fucking wanted to cry and break down but it didn’t...seem right” Bill frowns. 

“I have Eddie’s inhaler”

“Okay what the fuck? I thought that shit burned”

“No no no. We all know his hypochondriac ass with all these medicines, inhalers, etcetera. I found one in his luggage when I was packing up everything to bring back to Myra. And I don’t know why I kept it. But fucking hell I wasn’t and still wasn’t ready to give up Eddie. I loved him when we were kids and I still love him. And the fact that he’s back? Makes my action fucking awful”

“Richie I can tell you until the end of my life, that it wasn’t your choice to leave him there. But we also didn’t want to lose you by leaving you.” Bill frowns as Richie puts out his cigarette sighing. 

“I love him Bill, you’d feel the same way if it were Stanley...”

“...You’re not wrong on that”

Stanley felt very out of place listening in to all of that. His own feelings were starting to get all over the place as he soon coughs to get the two’s attention while calming himself. 

“Stan-“

“Eddie is asking for Rich.” Stanley immediately turned around heading inside as Richie looks at Bill with concern for their feelings at the moment while his heart pounded for his own. 

“You better get up there Richie..”

“And you better tell him William” Richie got up hurrying his ass inside as Bill frowns taking a minute before getting up. 

A nurse helped bring the bed up for Eddie to sit up as he was keeping an eye on the door watching Richie walk beside Stanley entering the room. Eddie gave Bev a look which made her immediately gesture Ben and Mike to leave with her as she takes Stanley out when she exited. Richie stood by the door when he watched them all leave. Leaving the two alone as Richie’s immediate thought was of Myra randomly walking in ruining whatever moment Eddie wants to bring. 

“Eds...I-“

“My chest hurts....” Eddie groans as Richie frowns walking closer to his bed and sitting on the edge. “It’s....g-gonna hurt time speak f-for a while”

“Y..You don’t have to Eds”

“Don’t...call me Eds” Eddie coughs as he tried to laugh. “I...heard. You under the f-fucking house..”

“The fuck do you mean?” Richie laughs as he suddenly started crying. “T-They....they dragged me out of there when I could’ve taken you with me..”

“Rich..” Eddie grabbed his thigh as Richie immediately took his hand into his. “T-They did...what..they thought was right”

“B-But it wasn’t...” 

“Not to you....” 

As the losers watched them from the window, Stanley felt all kind of pain. Emotional of course. He left the scene causing his friends to watch him leave. Bill was about to go when Mike and Ben stopped him going in his place. 

Sometimes when you love someone, not always, but it can’t be you to show your face when they are thinking about you. 

“Where would Stanley go to?”

“He’s Richie’s best friend. Don’t you think they’d go to the same place when feeling upset?”

“Oh god Ben” Mike pinches the bridge of his nose as Ben pat his back knowing where they’ll be hitting. 

As Mike and Ben make their way to the bar by their hotel they find Stanley sitting in a booth by himself with a scotch. It didn’t seem to be drank from yet. He didn’t say anything when he watched Mike and Ben slide into the seat across from him. 

“You doing alright Stan?”

“You kinda walked out upset”

Stanley frowns pushing the glass toward Ben knowing he’s a scotch man as he rests his head on the table feeling every kind of emotion. 

“You know what they tell suicidal patient’s families?”

“What?”

“That substance abuse could’ve started it all. Alcohol is such a poison to someone’s body” 

“And a painkiller to alcoholics” Ben states taking a sip of it. “At least that’s what Bev told me her ex husband would call it”

“That’s rough buddy”

“We have our dark secrets we don’t say out loud until some kind of relief is in our hands” Mike says calmly as he got the two to laugh. 

“That sounds so wrong” Stanley sat up covering his face resting his elbows on the table. “I....okay. I’m going to be extremely honest about my feelings and I don’t want to be hated for any of it”

“Stan. We won’t ever hate you”

“And trust me. It took me fucking twenty seven years to say my goddamn feelings” Ben downs the rest of the scotch before resting his head in one of his hands. “Shoot”

“I went to get Richie because Eddie practically wanted him. And...I stood for thirty minutes listening to Bill confess his feelings for me to Richie. And my heart hurts because it’s going to be completely different when he actually confesses to me. But I...I’ll fall in love. Drop on my knees. And cry my ass off. I....” Stanley felt his heart drop to his feet as the tears rushed down his cheeks. 

“But. I don’t see the problem with-“

“He’s still with his fucking wife Mike.”

“I’m getting us a round” Ben knew the pain INSTANTLY and went to get them all drinks. 

They need the painkiller 


	4. Alcohol is a Painkiller [Pt.2]

“....You never told an-anyone...”

“I-I was closeted Eddie....M-My feelings were everywhere”

“T....Toward me” 

“....”

The silence filled the room except for the literal shaking sounds coming from Richie. Because of all the crying and emotions rushing through his body. Eddie squeezes his hand before feeling his tears roll down his cheeks as he forced himself to look up trying to stop his crying. 

Pent up feelings.

“Eddie?”

Richie turned around finding Myra waiting for her time alone with her husband. 

“I...I guess I’ll see you later” Richie frowns getting up trying to let go of Eddie’s hand but Eddie held on until the energy in him wasn’t enough. “Goodnight Kaspbraks..” he says as he leaves the patient room finding Bev and Bill waiting for him. 

“Ready to go save Stan, Mike, and Ben?”

“What the fuck happened to those three?”

“Natural pain relief I’m guessing”

A loud slam of a glass hit the table as Ben started crying about his already out in the open feelings towards Bev, Stanley laid in the booth bench feeling like shit for drinking, and Mike was simply the sober one listening to the two. Mike lit up seeing the three walk into the bar. Sober people finally. Until Richie went to get himself a drink knowing he’ll get drunk. Bill walked over to Stanley’s side looking at him with concern as Stanley gave Bill a death stare. 

“Oh god don’t be honest don’t be honest” Mike said under his breath since quite a few people speak their mind while drunk. Hopefully Stan isn’t one. 

Stanley slowly sat up looking at Bill as none of them shared a word. But Stanley surely felt sick and immediately got up and locking himself in the bar’s bathroom. Mike thanked the heavens he didn’t confess that he was there when Bill was saying his feelings. Bev immediately pushed Ben over to sit beside him as he looked directly at her before suddenly crying. 

“Mike. The fuck happen?”

“Alcohol” 

“Obviously but-“

“Just. You’ll realize sooner than later” 

Ben rests his head on Bev’s shoulder crying as she pats his back watching Richie sit across from them with his drink. Bill on the other hand was waiting by the bathroom door hoping Stanley would open it up for him to check up on him. 

“Stan-“

“Shut....shut up” Stanley says calmly sitting on the floor by the toilet as he needed the silence. 

“Stanley can we talk”

“I’m drunk. It won’t be straight. Ha...like me” Stanley laughs to himself as he hugs his legs to his chest groaning shortly after. “Why does it hurt...”

“What hurt? Stan did you-“

“Oh my god shut up....don’t jump to conclusions assuming I hurt myself. When all I’m talking about is my heart breaking.” Stanley frowns as he got up slowly to go unlock the door letting Bill in while he sat back down on the floor. 

Bill frowns leaning against the door once he closed it behind him. He looks down at Stanley as he tries to collect himself to speak clearly instead of drunk honesty. 

“I’m so mad...”

“Why..”

“Because I walked outside to get Richie...for Eddie...walking into two confessions. One for Eds, and the other for me” Stanley frowns feeling the tears starting to roll down his cheeks as Bill slid against the door sitting on the ground. 

“Stan-“

“I’ve loved you, since the blood oath. Now there’s no longer a physical reminder of that day. So all I have is the memory of me looking directly at you, feeling the pain in my hand, but also feeling my heart pound as time slowed down. Feeling like it was just the two of us in that moment. And now I’m sitting on the bathroom floor of a bar. About to start my forties. Still in love with a man who’s still married. Still tied with a woman who never truly loved you for you. Because actresses can be like that sometimes. And how the fuck is my drunk ass saying all this? Cuz I puked my whole fucking system out before you got in here” Stanley frowns wiping away his tears as he stops to look at his wrists seeing the scars that remained. “That moment of the oath, was also the last thing I thought of...when I tried taking my life. So...it’s a dark memory now.”

“Stan...”

“I’m in love with you Bill. But I’m not in the fucking right mindset to be in a ping pong match with my heart” Stanley brought his legs to his chest hugging tightly. 

“I...I’ve been pushing off asking for divorce..because my book became a movie. With a fucking shitty ending. I put my career in front of everything for so long. Hence why there’s no kids. No pets. No nothing. I put myself first in almost everything and so did my wife. Which...resulted in drifting us apart. But when I stepped back into Derry and started feeling everything rush like a flood. My heart shattered realizing how much I put into this relationship knowing she’s not the one I truly love” 

“....”

“Stan...”

“....I love you. You can’t just ignore that fact forever. I’m not Eddie. I’m not Richie. I’m not going to wait till I’m dead again..” 

Bill frowns hearing that last part as he got up before suddenly grabbing Stanley’s collar bringing him up and against the wall. 

“You’re not allowed to fucking die on me. Ever. So you better actually give a damn about yourself. Because I don’t ever want to be alone again” Bill stats on the verge of tears as Stanley grabbed his face kissing him passionately. 

As the two were having their moment, Richie sat across his friends staring at the painkiller in his hands only wanting to go back to the hospital. But he knew Myra wouldn’t want him there even if the sober losers found her crying as she came in. 

“TOZIER”

Richie freezes in his seat as Myra stormed over taking his drink and slamming it into the ground. 

“How long”

“What?”

“HOW LONG HAVE YOU LOVED MY HUSBAND”

As the silence was starting to fill the room, Richie got up trying to leave the conversation physically. But before he could even leave the booth, Myra pushed him back down. 

“GIVE ME AN ANSWER” Myra yells as the tears started forming in her eyes. “H-How long”

“Since we were thirteen” Richie frowns as Bev took his hand feeling him squeeze tightly not wanting to admit any of this to Eddie’s wife. 

“Well....I’m..I....I just fucking can’t. I don’t know what the fuck happened in your home town. But it didn’t bring me back my Eddie”

“It brought back mine.” Richie brought himself up and in Myra’s face. “IVE SPENT THE PAST TWENTY SEVEN YEARS WITHOUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. EXPECTING TO DIE ALONE FROM SOME KIND OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE. BECAUSE THATS HOW A LOT OF ARTISTS GO OUT. BUT NO I WENT HOME AND FELL BACK IN LOVE WITH THE MAN I CARVED HIS INTIAL IN NEXT TO MINE. I WONT TAKE YOUR SHIT OR ANYBODY’S SHIT. IM GETTING THE YEARS BACK AND I DONT NEED YOU IN MY WAy” He snaps frowning realizing that his feelings towards Eddie, was also anger not just love and heartache. He felt awful for yelling at Myra in the bar.

So Richie left, going back to the hotel. While his friends waited for Stan and Bill, before going to check up on him. Making sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. 

“Richie”

“Rich”

“Trashmouth”

“Tozier”

“Richard”

“Beep beep?”

“Earth to Richie?”

“Cmon man”

“Open the fucking door”

Bev stares at the door watching the boys struggle to get him to open. She looks around before finding a maids cart. Bev slowly walks away and over to the cart startling the maid. 

“Hello??”

“I’ve left my room key in my room. Can you open my room? Please?”

“Of course of course!” The maid smiles grabbing the universal key walking over to the crowd of men. “Pardon” she says calmly as they walk away. “Orgy....” she says under her breath as she unlocks the room going back to her task. 

Bev pushes the door open finding Richie’s things all over the place as Stanley heard music coming from the bathroom. 

“Oh”

“My”

“Fucking”

“God”

“He’s so gay” Stanley rolls his eyes opening the bathroom door hearing Eddie My Love being blasted. “You’re so gay”

“SO ARE YOU”

“Shut up” He frowns looking at Richie sit in the tub as he listen to the music. Stanley slowly backed away to take a minute. 

Ben on the other hand, still drunk in some cases, walks over to the toilet and suddenly vomiting. Bev face palms as Mike starts laughing. 

“This is why you don’t let him drink”

“He’s a scotch man. I’m sorry” Mike laughs before taking a seat on the rim of the tub looking at Richie. “Myra is a crazy bitch huh?”

“Mike!” Bill snaps at the comment about a woman none of them really know. 

“He’s got a point though...” Bev snorts before laughing fully. “I-I need a minute” she continues to laugh as she walked more into the room sitting beside Stan. 

“I don’t think any of you realize, Bill and Stan might. But you all dragged my ass out of there...He was supposed to be dead. So that I can grieve until the day I die. But now? He’s laying in a hospital bed. Awake. Responsive. All other medical junk they say in this one tv show”

“Grey’s anatomy?”

“Besides the point Mike. He’s alive. And instead of grieving. I feel all kinds of hatred toward myself. Because I left him there. I LEFT HIM THERE. And I’ll forever feel bad. But now...Myra is making me feel like a monster...for breaking the two apart. When I didn’t. Our memories just...just came back. And he remembered something from our past....” Richie frowns adjusting his glasses as he rests his head against the tile wall. “No one understands....”

“You. Have no idea.” Ben brought himself to sit up as he leaned against the wall. “You May have left the love of your life down there. But you have to realize. He’s here. He’s alive. You can feel bad the rest of your life. But Eddie probably understands. Why we did such a thing. IVE NEVER FELL OUT OF LOVE FOR TWENTY SEVEN YEARS. And Bev knows that. The only memory of Derry I had while I sat in my office of my company, was the signature Bev wrote in my yearbook. Now that’s burned. And Bev knew who wrote her that post card. She knew my feelings that night. And I know that this moment isn’t about me. But you have to realize. You’re not the only one that lost and then won. You’ve lost the love of your life for twenty seven years. Now he’s back. Take advantage of that or bite the dust”

“Ben. Holy shit dude” Mike frowns as Richie looks at Ben with some anger in his chest. 

But it hurt the most when he realized all of what Ben said, was the truth he needed to hear. 

“I really need a drink”

“No” Mike and Bill quickly said as the four laugh in the moment.

But Richie knew what he was going to do..


	5. Eddie, My Love [Pt. 1]

“I’m stuck in here...for a few more weeks...” 

“Two more weeks. You’ve already been in here for three.” Mike laughs as he relaxes in the seat next to Eddie’s bed. “Need an update?”

“Yes...”

“Ben and Bev are back home. Planning something for all the losers. That I don’t even fucking know about. Stan moved in with Bill and already hates waiting in a trailer for Bill to finish scenes of his book turned into a movie. He’s trying to get his job back as well. Bill is filing for divorce. Umm. I’m traveling but I’d rather be here with you. Help you through it all since Myra left.”

“And Rich?”

“Touring. He took too much time off. So he has to go back to being a touring comedian” Mike says calmly as his phone started ringing. “Give me a minute” he got up heading out as Eddie adjusted himself in his bed gripping his chest for a moment before grabbing his phone. 

Richie Tozier “The Fun has Only Begun” Tour!

Eddie cringed at the title remembering the time in the Chinese restaurant with the kid. He soon looked more into it. 

“My name is Richie Trashmouth.....I forgot the joke” 

Eddie snorts a bit rolling his eyes as he continues to watch the segment he clicked on. 

Meanwhile Mike was getting annoyed over the phone. 

“I swear to fuck. You need to plan out shit yourself sometimes Rich”

“Well Y’know. I fucking hate not being there but you know agents from fucking California”

“Rich. You’re the comedian here. And that whole agent shit I wouldn’t understand. Why didn’t you just call Bill?”

“Because he’s not with Eddie!”

“True. But still. Why mention agents to me? Hell why mention California?”

“I have six shows in New York. By the time Eddie gets discharged”

“So what are you debating here? Once Eddie is discharged he’s gonna need someone with him or at least in the area. That’s the only thing I know Myra is going to be for”

“That just killed my mood”

“What mood? Are you planning something stupid”

“I just. Okay. I know people almost everywhere I go. And I stay at their place while I tour their state. But New York is where Eddie lives and. I’m debating”

“Just ask him you gay mess” Mike ends the call immediately after leaving Richie is a state of confusion. 

Richie stares at his phone before opening Eddie’s contact. He soon was just staring at the contact profile not knowing what exactly to say or to call. Richie sat there in his tour bus frowning.

“I’m a comedian. But it’s so hard to talk to one person” He tells himself as he sets his phone down for the moment. 

“Yo so Eddie I’m gonna-“ Mike stares at Eddie looking at the videos and snips of Richie with tears of anger forming in his eyes. “You okay..?”

“Is he afraid to talk to me....because of what you told me Myra did?”

“That...I can’t answer” Mike frowns sitting beside Eddie watching him set his phone down in his lap. “You don’t like the radio silence huh?”

“No. No I don’t..I’ve been in radio silence for two months...under that house. I’d just like for the silence to be filled for once. Especially by Trashmouth” 

“Need a minute?”

Eddie frowns looking at the time knowing visiting hours were about to end and what Mike meant by that was of course. 

Fill the silence. 

Eddie nods as he wipes away his tears while Mike rests a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

The two weeks went by like they were nothing, but the silence at night drove Eddie insane. But he was going home. 

Home....

As Eddie was getting dressed waiting for Myra to come pick him up. He flinched to the knocking of the door frame. Of course his first thought was Myra but when he looked over he saw Richie standing in the frame with a welcoming smile. 

“Uh Myra-“

“Oh she said...that I could pick you up since-“

“You’re in town...for your tour” 

“How-“

“Mike told me” Eddie smiles a bit before sitting down on the bed gripping his chest and sighing. “Can you grab my shoes...?”

Richie nods as he grabs Eddie’s shoes from the bag that contained the items he had on his person during their final battle. Giving Richie a bit of PTSD before finally giving Eddie his shoes. Richie was about to just set them down when Eddie grabbed his arm. 

“I can’t bend over cuz of my chest. Can you hel-“

“I can help. I can” Richie says quickly ending with a smile before getting down on one knee helping. 

Eddie watches as he felt his face burn up a bit making him rest his hand on his cheek thinking as he watched. Richie finished tying his shoes using the bed to help him straighten up. Eddie drawled his attention to Richie’s face noticing the crack in his glasses. He frowns standing up reaching for his face before hesitantly retracting himself. 

“I’m...ready”

“Okay..do we need to pick up anything on the way or before-“

“You’re so dumb Rich. Yes” Eddie walked passed him as Richie stood there confused before realizing. 

“Oh. You’re medication”

“Yes Richie. Now let’s...” Eddie stops half way in the hall taking a breath realizing he can’t go as fast as he did before. For the time being that is. 

“Take a breath Eds. Uhh...shit hold on” Richie set down Eddie’s bag that Myra left him which included the things from that night. He went through it before finding his inhaler and handing it to him. “Seriously. We aren’t in a hurry anywhere”

Eddie smiles a bit with some relief taking the inhaler from Richie’s hand before using it. Richie zipped up his bag throwing it on his shoulder. He looks at Eddie lean against the wall for a while which gave him the idea. 

“Hold onto me”

“What?”

“Hold onto me. For balance. And we’ll take our time” Richie blushed a tad as he held his arm out for Eddie. 

As Eddie took his time, Richie started laughing to himself. He looked up at his four eyes nerd confused. 

“What’s so fucking funny?”

“You want help shaving that excuse of a beard”

“Hey! I can grow a full beard fucktard”

“Mhmmm”

“I’d like to see you fucking try Rich”

Richie shrugs smiling. “Want to make a bet on that”

“No dumbass, just want to shave the fuzz off”

“Okay okay, we’ll do that”

“I can do it myself. But...I’ll need the assistance..” Eddie frowns as the two waited on the elevator to go to the garage. “So, did Myra offer the guest bedroom for you...or are you wasting money on a hotel”

“I was gonna ask you, since she’s still kind of mad at me”

“If she was mad at you, why’d she let you pick me up?”

“Work”

“Fucking. wrecking ball works” Eddie says under his breath as Richie snickers to that comment which made Eddie full on laugh. “I’m sorry”

“You’re sorry? That’s funny don’t apologize” Richie laughs as the elevator stops on their floor. “Come on”

“You didn’t fucking rent a very sporty car now did you-....Your impala?” Eddie stops for a moment staring at Richie’s car from high school. “How the fuck does it still work”

“You think I don’t take care of my baby? Damn. Just damn” Richie laughs before opening the trunk to put Eddie’s things in as Eddie looks inside seeing a few things from high school. 

“You still have your dumb baseball jersey?”

“I said I take care of my car. Doesn’t mean I didn’t clean it. Well I did. Just not the trunk” Richie frowns picking up his jersey. “What a weird memory”

“Which part of it?”

“I made you wear my spare for the game”

“And you almost broke my arm when you won the game”

“You were fragile. Can’t blame my energy”

“I can blame many things” Eddie scoffs rolling his eyes. “But yeah. Can’t blame that” he smiles as he flinched from the loud noise of the trunk closing. “Fuck Richie. Warning next time”

“You’re the one standing too close to the trunk. Now come on. It’s a bit of a drive from here to your place” Richie states as he opens the door for Eddie. 

“Who told you to be a gentleman.” Eddie laughs as he got in. Richie blushes a tad rolling his eyes as he made sure he was completely in before closing the door. 

As Richie got in the drivers seat he looked over making sure Eddie was alright before starting the car. Eddie looks at the cassette car radio as he notices Richie had a few of his old ones. He reached to turn on whatever was in but Richie stopped him. 

“What?”

“Not that...tape”

“Richie. It can’t be bad”

“It’s not but-“

“Then shut up” Eddie presses play for the tape in the radio. 

Eddie my love

I love you so...

Eddie stares at the radio blushing himself as Richie had already turned as red as a tomato. 

“That’s gay”

“WELL EXCUSE ME” Richie blushes even more as Eddie laughed to himself smiling bigger than ever. 

“You’re stupid Rich. Now let’s hurry to the pharmacy”

“In such a rush like always”

Eddie rolls his eyes as he continued to listen to the song looking at Richie every now and then. He felt that strange pain in his chest but it wasn’t caused by his injury. 

Felt like something different. 


	6. Eddie, My Love [Pt. 2]

“Well look at this warrior now, Mr. Kaspbrak I swear to the heavens sometime. I thought your...character wouldn’t even think about going into an abandoned house” Eddie’s pharmacist jokes as Richie tried containing his laughter knowing Eddie will kick his ass despite his injuries. 

“Winston. Sometimes I question myself on why I still go here” 

“Oh come on. You know you enjoy our banter” Winston laughs before going to take care of other business as Eddie makes sure everything is in there. 

Eddie closes the bag as he watches Richie stare at a bus drive by with his show plastered on the side of it. He rolls his eyes thinking he was going to start talking about it but reality was Richie just scanned around making sure no one would see him when the two started to head out. 

“Are you popular in New York?”

“It’s where I started Eddie Spaghetti. In a really old bar where an agent from LA found me. That’s why I’m placed there. But I’ve been everywhere and every chance I get I come to New York. Do two extra shows. But not on the big fancy stage like broadway or that one theater I forgot the name of. I do it in that bar I started in. With a remote group of people who just walk in and enjoy the raw material”

“Wow what a lot of significance for such a shitty place”

“Eddie. If you ever come to LA. You realize it’s a lot worse” Richie laughs as he’s not wrong. “Plus. If you think New York is shitty. Why the fuck did you decide to live here in the first place?”

“I met Myra here. On business. Then I was offered a job here. That’s why I live here” Eddie frowns looking over to Richie who’s expression went south when Myra was mentioned. “Hey I know...a good spot close to where I live. We can get something to eat”

“Oh like a date?”

“Beep beep Richie”

Richie started to smile again. God. That dumbass smile of his. Always caught Eddie off guard. 

After a while Richie watched Eddie over analyze what was on the menu taking the doctor’s suggestion way too into consideration. Richie on the other hand didn’t have to care but he was patient. 

For the moment. 

“I honestly feel like I can’t fucking have anything because my doctor says no to half this shit”

“Can you drink anything hot?”

“The fuck?”

“Like. Coffee? Tea?”

“Well yeah-“

“Then just get something to drink and you can eat later”

“So you’re gonna just eat in front of me?”

“I ate on the plane. Plane food may be bad but I think it’s good”

“You’re gross Rich”

“Thanks. I get that a lot from your mom” Richie jokes before jolting when Eddie kicked his shin. “Whyyyy...”

“Cuz. I can” Eddie frowns holding his chest for a moment. 

Richie kept silence as Eddie had a moment of pain. He frowns feeling useless when he knew he wasn’t. 

But he didn’t know what exactly to do. 

“I can’t believe we wasted an hour in there just drinking coffee and water”

“You could’ve had coffee Eds. You just went the safer route” Richie states as he drove down Eddie’s street. “You live in an apartment when you’re a risk analyst”

“It’s a condo, and yeah? So?”

“Even if it a boring ass job. Should be making a decent amount of money”

“I don’t live by myself Richard. I support two people”

“Right. Right...”

Richie parks his car in the garage of the complex as he stayed there in the moment about to speak when Eddie’s phone started ringing. He watches Eddie immediately answer after reading “Myra Kaspbrak” as the caller ID. 

“Are you home? Yet?”

“We just-“

“No Eddie. Yes or no”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now I’ll be home in a few hours”

“You got my texts correct?”

“Edward. You know I don’t approve of your friends. Especially that Tozier one. But as long as he doesn’t make a mess then he’s fine staying” 

Eddie still can’t believe that he has to ask his wife for permission, let alone why he’s still married to her.He put his phone away looking to his side finding Richie already out grabbing his things. 

“Quick to get out?”

“Huh? No sorry had to make sure some of your things didn’t get jostled.” 

“I doubt anything did”

“Better safe than sorry”

Eddie frowns watching Richie carry everything wanting to know what’s going on in his head. He stopped him for a moment as the two stood there in their thoughts before the moment ended with Eddie taking his keys out of the paramedic bag. He looked in the bag finding Richie’s jacket. 

——

WE GOTTA GET HIM OUT OF HERE

WE CANT JUST LEAVE HIM

——

Eddie started hyperventilating which made Richie drop his things before suddenly grabbing his face. 

“Breath.”

“I-...” Eddie panicked as Richie soon brought him close holding him resulting in Eddie gripping onto him crying. 

Richie didn’t let go until he calmed down and that didn’t happen for a while. Half an hour to be exact is when Eddie finally calmed down but none of them seem to part. Richie felt his heart start pounding as he lets go of Eddie gently so he wouldn’t hear how fast his heart was going. When Eddie only felt the same. 

The two enter Eddie’s humble abode and how neat it was. Too neat for Richie’s taste but still a nice home. Richie set down his bag by the door before following Eddie carrying his stuff. Eddie opens his door finding the bed made and a few extra things here and there that were only placed because Myra was there. He watches Richie put his hospital bag onto the bed but the paramedic bag on the ground. Knowing Eddie wouldn’t want that those dirty reminders on his bed even though he didn’t want it anywhere in sight. Richie wanted to stay and help him settle but his phone wouldn’t shut up with notifications from his manager. 

“I have to go, but hey if you need-“

“I’ll text you. Break a leg?”

“It’s a sound check. But thanks Eds” Richie smiles escorting himself out. 

Eddie stayed by himself for the moment knowing Myra would probably come home before Richie. He sat on the bed holding his chest taking it easy before grabbing the paramedic bag, feeling pain as he bent down. Eddie rummaged through it finding his ripped polo and jacket. His main concern was taking out Richie’s leather bomber. He stares at it for a while before clinching to the sound of the door closing harshly. 

“Eddie?”

“Myra...” Eddie groans to himself as he held the jacket in his lap. 

Myra walks into the bedroom smiling starting to tear up. “I’m so happy you’re home” she approaches Eddie hugging him tightly. 

“Can’t. Breat-“

“Sorry sorry!” Myra let’s go holding his face in her hands. “Oh..this recovery is going to be long but you’ll be up and at it before you know it”

“You sound like the doctor Myra” Eddie removes her hands holding them in his for a moment. 

“Are these the clothes from your time in the hospital? I can wash them for you” Myra grabs the jacket out of his lap causing a reaction from Eddie that immediately retracted into him. “This is yours right?”

“....”

Myra looks at Eddie for the moment before checking the size of it. She frowns knowing it’s not his but still being a host for their guest who’s out. Myra folded it before grabbing Eddie’s suitcase setting it on the ground. 

“Well, he’s still a guest. I’ll have it dry cleaned. But for right now. I’ll do your laundry, and help you more into the bed so you can relax” Myra smiles a bit as she did exactly why she said. 

Meanwhile Richie stood in the fire escape of the theater he’s performing in. He sat on the stairs staring at his phone debating to call who he wants to call. Instead he put it away to smoke and think about everything. 

Process what he’s wanting to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> College is a pain in the ass. And it’s not going to get rid of the thing that makes me happy.


	7. Eddie, My Love [Pt. 3]

After a while Richie knocked on the door to be let in when he heard Myra yell that it’s open. He pushed the door open finding Myra shaving off Eddie’s excuse of a beard. Richie noticed his bag was missing from beside the door as he was about to question when-

“I put your belongings in the guest bedroom, I also had your coat dry cleaned”

“My coat?” Richie leans against the island in the kitchen curious as Myra slipped. 

“Fuck Myra-“ Eddie retracts back resting his hand on his cheek feeling the blood. “You need to be careful!”

Richie immediately grabbed the dish towel and placing it on his cheek before getting elbowed away by Myra. He took a few steps back as Myra checks the cut to see if the bleeding has stopped which it did but no thanks to the wife. 

“You should be glad you don’t need stitches. Can’t have anymore scars on my Ed bear” Myra smiles as Eddie watches Richie fake vomit to the pet name making Eddie laugh. 

Myra shot around seeing Richie leaning against the the island staring back at her. 

“The bathroom is down the hall. Can you get the first aid kid?”

“Yeah” Richie leaves the two to get what was asked for. 

Richie enters the bathroom looking around before opening the cabinet leading to the sink finding a giant box that was the first aid kit. 

“Damn. I thought Eddie was the intense hypochondriac for knowing too many diseases. Guess...I was wrong” Richie didn’t know what exactly to grab as everything was confusing to him. 

As Richie comes back with the first aid kit. Myra immediately ripped it out of his hands before helping Eddie. Eddie looked at Rich from the corner of his eye seeing his hesitation to even be near the two. He seemed afraid of Myra. 

“The guest room is the first door down the hall on the right. I put your bag in there since it was a tripping hazard”

“Gotcha...Thanks...Mrs. K” Richie frowns heading to the guest room leaving the Kaspbraks alone. 

“Myra be nice-“

“I’m not going to listen to you Eddie”

“But Myra-“

“You were stabbed. Doing who knows what back in Maine. You still don’t talk about it with me. So I don’t have to be nice to any of those losers you call friends.” Myra frowns putting the bandage on his cheek before kissing it to make it feel better. 

“I’m going to ask if he needs anything on my way to our room” Eddie slowly got up as Myra frowns letting him do so only for the sole reason of him going to bed right after. 

Eddie slowly approaches the guest room looking in through the crack as he notices Richie in tears. He frowns wanting to hug his best friend but he listened into to understand why. 

“Fuck...Rich calm down. He’s fine...he’s fine” Richie takes a deep breath suddenly choking up on his tears. “Fuck. He’s fine...he’s alive. H-He’s....he here’s...he’s not under Neibolt...he’s safe...fuck he’s safe” he sat down on the bed taking his glasses off wiping away his tears. “He’s going to recover...he’s going to be perfect..just like how he always been...so calm down Richard...”

Eddie knocks on the door startling Richie to rapidly wipe away the tears and put his glasses back on. He turns toward the door watching Eddie push the door open. 

“Need anything before I call it a night?”

“Damn Eds. Going to bed early?”

“It’s 9pm Rich”

“Still early for sad gay comedians”

“Still can’t believe you came out during one of your shows”

“You watch my shows...?” 

“Well....whatever is online that I don’t have to pay for. You’re funny. But stupid”

“I’ll take that stupid as a compliment” Richie jokes as Eddie rolls his eyes. “U-Uh. Anyway. I don’t need anything but thanks”

“If you do at anytime just wake me up” Eddie says calmly as he lets himself out closing the door behind him. 

Richie lays down on the bed staring at the ceiling letting his thoughts take over in this moment alone. So he can try his best to feel better. 

As the night fully takes its toll on the three, they were all comfortable in their rooms sleeping. Then around two in the morning, Eddie started shaking in his sleep. 

——

“I THINK I KILLED IT. YEAH. I THINK I KILLED IT! I KILLED IT! I THINK I KILLED IT FOR RE-“ Eddie chokes as he looks down at what implied him feeling all the pain flood his body. “R-Richie...”

Eddie was pulled away from Richie, everyone screamed watching Pennywise fling Eddie off and into the cavern. 

As Eddie rolled down the entire way down, hitting every edge. His pain started fading, only indicating death. But as he reached the bottom he heard his name being called countless times. 

Richie....

——

Eddie jolts up wide awake holding his chest as he felt overwhelmed. He slowly got out of his bed making sure he didn’t wake Myra. Eddie dragged himself into the bathroom sitting on the ground in the dark. His breathing started growing short and rapid. 

Eddie: Hey

Rich: Wow I thought I was the one to stay up late hours

Eddie: Beep beep Richie

Rich: Sorry

Rich: Are you okay?

Eddie: I had a nightmare

Eddie: Or well. It felt too real. So I don’t know what to call it

Rich: Do you need help?

Eddie: I

Eddie: Yes. Can you go to the bathroom? But don’t wake Myra. Please

Rich: The bitch scares me. I won’t wake her

Richie tossed the blanket off him grabbing his hoodie putting it on before slowly walking to the bathroom. He opens the door slowly realizing the light was off. He reached for the switch to only get kicked in the shin by Eddie. 

“F-“ Richie bites his lip screaming in silent as he closes the door gently. “Fucking Eds.” He whisper screams frowning finding Eddie in a vulnerable state. 

Eddie didn’t say anything as Richie immediately sat down beside his best friend wrapping an arm around him for comfort. Eddie’s heart started pounding out of his chest with the tears still rolling down his cheeks. 

“Do...do you still get nightmares...about everything”

“Who doesn’t....” Richie frowns as he wipes away the tears as they fell. “It’s normal to have nightmares if it’s still fresh...you know what I mean...but you for sure don’t have to keep it all to yourself. Talk to me”

“I was tossed....felt my own life slowly fade....that’s...that’s traumatizing...” Eddie shook in his arm as Richie instantly hugged him being careful of his fragile body and vulnerable state. 

“It was traumatizing....But remember” Richie pulls back to hold Eddie’s face in his hands. “You’re alive. You’re here...you’re here with me and the other losers are also alive and here. You’re safe”

“Thanks Rich...” Eddie chokes up on his tears as he tried to remain quiet while getting help up from Richie. He held his arms for a moment feeling all kinds of feelings. “I....”

“You better get some sleep Eds, you’ll feel better in the morning. I promise” Richie always gave that reassuring smile to Eddie and it only made his feelings grow even more confused. 

As Eddie walks back into his bedroom he finds Myra awake and slowly calming down from a mild panic attack. Eddie frowns as he walks over to his side of the bed slowly getting in. 

“You can wake me up. If you need ANYTHING this late.”

“Myra. I have legs. I can get up and do what I need to do!” Eddie snaps slightly as Myra gave him a look. She soon turns off the lights turning away from Eds as she goes back to sleep. 

What a nightmare in the real world.

Richie laid in the guest bed staring up at the ceiling wishing he said what has been on his mind to Eddie. But the feelings flooded his head and the words wouldn’t come out. 

Also confessing in a bathroom doesn’t seem like the right approach. 

Rich: Are you awake?

Stan: Sometimes I want to kill you

Rich: Ouch  😔

Stan: What do you need Rich

Rich: A friend

Stan: Thought you were staying at Eddie’s while touring New York

Rich: Stan...

Stan: Yeah no I understand. What happened?

Rich: I don’t fully know my side, but Eddie had one of those night terrors and when I went to help him. It was dark, he’s obviously still bandaged, and he was crying. My mind went all over the place from that night in Neibolt. 

Stan: Are you saying you felt like you were done there again? Richie. 

Rich: I know that I really should take into consideration what happened to me but you try looking at the love of your life in that situation again. Well your mind makes you think that. But now you’re both alive except he’s still in a loveless marriage and you’re witnessing it while hiding in the closet

Stan: Do I need to come over? I will come to go to your shows and we can hang after. 

Rich: Bill would be upset and we both know that

Stan: Rich. We all are going through personal shit and sometimes it’s going to be difficult alone. But all Bill is doing right now is working on the movie adaptation while waiting for the divorce papers to be signed by Audra. Fuck it. You know what. We’ll both come but you better not make any fucking jokes

Rich: Cross my heart 

Stan: ....

Stan: Don’t make me watch Disney movies with you 

Rich: aww  😩


	8. Stan the Man [Pt. 1]

“What do you mean?? We can wait till he tours here again”

“Bill. I owe you the world if we can just go this once.” Stan states as Bill leaned against the counter watching Stan get all spastic. 

“Take a minute” Bill frowns grabbing Stan’s shoulders to make him stop pacing. “Take a minute Stan, you only plan on going to be there for Richie? You can video chat”

“You never heard of face time-“

“Stan. Besides the point. You don’t have to physically be there”

“Bill. I need to”

Bill frowns as he brought Stanley into his arms gripping onto him tightly. “Don’t do stupid shit.”

“Come with me” Stan dug his face into his chest as Bill wish he could but he had to finish his scenes. “Rich would enjoy seeing both of us”

“As much as I want to cuddle you and Richie, I have to take care of scenes. Also...” Bill smiles kissing Stan’s cheek making him blush. “I’d rather have you to myself. I’ll book your flight”

Stan blushes watching Bill go into his study to get him the first flight out. He goes upstairs to pack a bag as he stops mid way taking his phone out to find a message. 

Unread message from Patty Uris

Uris....

That took a toll on the moment. 

A few hours pass as Richie sat in the theater smiling at the crowd going on with his show. It was perfect. But the smile seemed forced. The jokes weren’t his. The only thing keeping him there was his friends still supporting him. But even that took a toll on his mind. 

“Great show tonight Tozier” Richie’s manager Gene states as he ended the show of course with a mom joke. The only jokes that are his are always his mom jokes. “Get yourself a drink or two. You earned it”

“Why so nice tonight Gene?”

“Don’t push it”

“There’s my Gene” Richie teases before taking his phone out seeing a few texts from Stan. “I’ll see you this weekend...” he leaves shortly after saying that making his way to his rental. 

Stanley waited patiently in baggage claim sitting with his suitcase as he stares at the text. 

Patty: Hey

He didn’t bother responding as he knew an instant reply but at this moment he didn’t want to send it back. 

“Stan!” Richie calls out as he enters the baggage claim area that Stan texted him. 

Stan smiles standing to his feet and embracing the tall bear of a man he calls his best friend. He kept the hug going for a while as they both stood there in each other’s embrace taking it all in. 

“Are you okay Rich?”

“No, are you?”

“Not really” Stan parts from Richie watching his eyes trail around. “If you’re thinking Bill, no he’s not here. He wants to finish his scenes before relaxing”

“Damn. We all could’ve cuddled” Richie whines as Stan laughs a bit smiling with his friend. 

“So, you’re staying at Eddie’s? Do you think that’ll be fine with me added?”

“I’m planning on going to a hotel. It was nice for a night. But Myra...god Myra scares me” Richie frowns sighing. “Hell I think she hates me”

“Well. We can get a hotel room. But you’re going to have to explain it to Eddie. Even if you truly never want to” Stan frowns resting a hand on Richie’s shoulder. 

After a long ride back to the Kaspbrak’s residency. Richie got of out of the car as Stan patiently waits. 

Bill: Did you get there safely?

Stan: Of course

Bill: Good. Thank god. Planes aren’t always my thing

Stan: I mean. Plane rides are sometimes bumpy. But it’s fine. I’m fine

Bill: How’s Rich?

Stan: For the most part. I don’t know

Richie opens the door to Myra yelling and Eddie trying not to but both of them were extremely audible. He makes his way to the guest room to grab his bag but when he walked in they both were in there. 

“I TOLD YOU I NEVER LIKED HIM. HES PART OF THE FEW THAT ALMOST GOT YOU FUCKING KILLED”

“BUT I DIDNT EVEN FUCKING DIE”

“THEY LEFT YOU. HE LEFT YOU”

“THE OTHER FOUR DRAGGED HIS ASS IUT OF THERE. HE WAS FUCKING WILLING TO STAY DOWN THERE AND DIE ALONG WITH ME. BUT LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE WE BOTH ARE ALIVE” 

“I WISH HE WAS UNDER THAT FUCKING HOUSE INSTEAD OF YOU. I WISH HE SUFFERED INSTEAD OF YOU”

“I...” Richie tried to interrupt as the two turn quickly to Rich. Eddie frowns watching Richie slowly grab his things not knowing what exactly to say but he knew he’s going to leave. 

“Richie I-“

“I wished it was me. You have no fucking idea how badly I wished it was me stuck under there. But I never have to fucking explain myself to the monster you fucking are. You are WORSE than what we had to deal with Myra” Richie snaps before taking his leave as Myra crosses her arms turning to Eddie. 

“Love-“

“Shut up Myra. Just shut up” Eddie frowns leaving as fast as he could. 

Richie made his way down the stairs leading back to the street when he stopped heading Eddie hyperventilate. He turned around finding Eddie about to fall over on the stairs as Richie immediately dropped his things to hold him up until he stabled himself. 

“Eddie. You shouldn’t have ran. You’re recovering. You’re hurt. You’re...hurt” Richie held Eddie as he felt his hands grip onto his waist looking up at the one on the verge of crying. 

“Richie...”

“I wanted to drag you out of there. I WANTED TO. Because I can’t lose anymore people. I can’t lose the people I care about. I can’t lose you.” Richie cries as the two heard a loud slam of a door indicating Myra coming. “Go be with your wife. Who wants to blame everything on me. When it wasn’t just me.” He let’s go of Eddie as he stood there defeated when he watched Richie pick up his stuff going back to the car. 

Patty: I know I left but Stanley I really need to talk

Patty: I heard William Denbrough took you in after all that happened

Patty: I’ll be in LA in a month for work, I’d like to meet up for lunch

Patty: If busy, it’s fine. A call would work as well..

Patty: I’m so sorry for bothering you

Patty: Get back to me when you can.

Stan frowns as he flinched to the door opening and slamming. He turns to his crying friend which made him immediately forget about Patty at the moment. 

“Rich-“

“Can we go drinking? Please. Just a few shots”

“As long as we Uber to a hotel. Drinks sound great” Stan groans as Richie took his glasses off to wipe away his tears before putting them back on and heading out. 

A few drinks later...

“Should I text him?”

“No...should I text her?”

“No. Imma text him. Tell him....how I feel”

“H-....He already knows how you feel”

“Hmmmmmmm......”

“Are you texting him?”

“Nnnnoooo....I’m tweeeeeeeting.....”

“Richie no...”

“Eeeeee....yes yes”

“Richie” Stan grabs his phone from him as Richie grabs Stan’s phone. “Nooo.....”

“Fuck....Patty be textin?”

“Mhm....”

“Thought she left...”

“Hnnnnnnn she did but....I don’t...don’t know what she’d want....” Stanley rests his head on the table as he checks Richie’s phone. 

Eddie: Richie

Eddie: Please

Eddie: Can we talk

Eddie: I’ll sneak out

Eddie: God that makes me sound like a teenager

Eddie: I won’t die being outside in the cold

Eddie: Richie can we please

Eddie: Myra is a bitch. She shouldn’t have fucking said anything. You know what happened wasn’t your fault

Eddie: Its none of your fault. It was the situation. I’m alive. I’m here. I’m here for you. Richie please just text me...

Eddie: Richie please

Stan frowns as he started tearing up reading the texts that kept popping up being similar to one another. He sets Richie’s phone down before realizing Richie was typing on his phone. 

“RICHARD”

“What?!” Richie stops texting and hands Stanley his phone back before taking his to read his texts groaning. He got up to grab more shots. 

Stan frowns checking the messages he sent. 

Stan (Rich): Can you tell me what about?

Patty: Us...

Stan: Is this going toward a serious note?

Patty: Love can be a serious thing

Stan: Of course

Patty: Would you be able to meet up when I’m in LA?

Stan: I may be out of work in the moment, but it depends.I’m sorry

Patty: No no it’s fine. Just let me know please

Stan: Yes of course

“Why are....you sober when you text....” Stan frowns as Richie took a seat with a bottle of vodka he bought from the bar to serve himself. 

Richie frowns looking at Stan carefully as he grabs his glass to start filling it. 

“Let’s see. I wasted twenty seven years of my life in a daze and I also spend twenty seven years in the closet which I still am in according to my manager and Myra for all that matters. I never gave a damn about anybody else in my life besides the losers and even then I did a crappy job in protecting said losers. Also the fact that my love for Edward Kaspbrak was only told under Neibolt moments before the losers dragged me out of there in which he remembers but we aren’t allowed to discuss because he’s still married to Myra and Myra blames me for everything that has happened when it was that fucking clowns fault but who in the world is going to believe us? Also you’re too honest. That’s why you keep your mouth shut most of the time unless it’s about me in most cases I always need to hear the truth. Plus you would’ve never texted Patty when deep down you want answers to everything that happened while we were in Derry and you were in a coma and put through hell and back. Also there’s the small chance of still having feelings for Patty even after confessing a shitton of your feelings for Bill to Bill. But during the twenty seven years you fell in love with a beautiful girl and in the back of your head and deep down in your heart. The feelings are still there but what are you going to do about Bill? When honestly. The losers keep secrets and always tells the drunk one aka me when I’ll remember this shit but when sober I don’t always know what to say fifth percent of the time.” Richie word vomited on Stan before drinking straight from the bottle. “Honestly you should’ve recorded that...cuz I won’t remember any of it”

“Do you think Bill would hate me....if I told him my feelings were still there....”

“You all have been through shit and back. I think he’d understand. Plus. There’s Mike”

“Mike?”

“Nothing”

“...oh ok”

Richie frowns staring at Stan for a little while longer before slamming his head on the table. 

“I am the BEST wingman when D R U N K.” Richie groans. “I hate myself....” 

“I love two people and can’t have them both....” Stan openly admits as Richie looks at him with concern. 

“We gonna tell Bill?”

“We?”

“Me for you”

“No”

“Shit. Fine”


	9. Stan the Man [Pt. 2]

A few days went by as Stan suddenly became radio silent along with Richie. 

Ben: Hey how are you doing?

Bill: what do you mean

Ben: I can’t check up on my family?

Bill: Right right. Okay. I’m okay

Ben: That’s a like

Bill: Don’t make me kick your ass

Ben: I’m sorry I’m sorry, but you know I’d like the truth more than lies. So if something is on your mind? You can always call

Bill: Thanks Ben

Ben: Of course  💞 Also Bev threatens to murder me if we don’t hang out during the holidays when we have time off. Just because we spent 27 years apart doesn’t mean we can’t take advantage of the now

Bill: You could always text that to the group chat

Ben: Beverly is already on top of that lol

Ben’s happiness can always lighten a mood. But sometimes Bill wishes he could have that similar happiness. With his losers. With Stan. 

Himself. 

Bill brought himself up from his couch in his trailer to go onto set and check on the scenes being recorded. He stood in the back along with a few other personnel keeping an eye on how they portray his book. Bill wants it to be spot on but his judgement is a tad clouded with what’s going on at the moment. 

“Mr. Denbrough, someone is here asking for you” One of the many interns states as Bill felt his heart pounding hoping for someone in particular but he needs to calm down. 

As Bill heads back to his trailer after being detoured to grab the notes on the newest written scenes. He opens it finding Patty. 

“Um-“

“I’m sorry for being unexpected”

“It’s fine Patricia, I’m honestly confused on how you found me” Bill frowns setting down the folders on the counter before sitting beside her. 

“You’re William Denbrough. You practically are a celebrity. You have quite the fanbase on Twitter that knows where you are most of the time” Patty sounded like a stalker in that moment but Bill knew what she was getting at. “I was hoping Stanley was with you”

“He’s with one of our friends in New York, I haven’t heard much from him yet” Bill frowns as they both felt a pain in their chest for the same reason. “Are you here to talk about what happened or”

“William, I made a mistake and I know how much Stanley means to you. Romantically and platonically. But-“

“You still have that lingering feeling...before all of this happened” Bill frowns as he got up from the couch to get himself water. Space. 

“I don’t want to be the reason you two split in any way. Because before you came to watch over Stan he wouldn’t shut up about you. And yes I moved on but that didn’t last for all I was thinking about was Stan..” 

“Why are you telling me all of this and not Stan...when it’s his feelings that you’d want to completely know”

“Your friend Richie told me he was the one that texted me on Stan’s phone pretending to be Stan. It was believable for a comedian who jokes about mothers for a career but I didn’t know if Stan would’ve said the same thing or kept quite” Patty frowns taking her phone out and showing Bill the messages as he leaned against the wall. “I wanted to talk to him while I was in town. But it took him forever to text me back and his friend had a conversation with me like that” 

“You see Richie is...quite the friend. I would’ve never expected him to text like this. Unless who knows if he was drunk. When he’s drunk he’s honest. Maybe he’s the best wingman too”

“What do you mean by wingman? What..does that mean toward this?”

Bill frowns before handing back her phone and taking a minute to his thoughts. 

“I’ve always had my second thoughts...why confess your feelings when you’ve been in a daze for 27 years and found someone who loves you and gives you a rush, I thought that with Audra. But. She wanted the divorce more than I did and it only felt right...” Bill states as he took a seat for a moment before watching Patty go into her bag taking out a letter from Stan to her. “Is that..”

“I never opened it..Because I had hope. I didn’t let fear take me until my future wanted to bring that fear. I want a future. So I thought leaving brought that. But...no. I miss Stan..” Patty frowns feeling the tears starting to form. “But I know he loves you”

“Patty-“

“I’m sorry for coming..I’m just so lost...” Patty got up setting the letter down on the coffee table picking up her bag. “Please, um. Let know Stan I was here..I’m not a secret. I don’t want to be” 

“I will, but Patty-“

“I’m sorry I don’t want to continue this right now” Patty made her leave as Bill frowns not knowing exactly what to do. 

Meanwhile...

“Where am I?”

“In the ER” Stan leans against the bed rack as Richie stares him dead in the eye. 

“Why?”

“You have a drinking problem Rich. You got your stomach pumped” Stan laughs a bit as Richie felt his head feeling a bandage. “Oh I’ll explain that. You got drunk to the point where you couldn’t really walk straight. And I tried navigating you but you immediately fell head first into a parked cab. You should be glad no one called your manager since that’s your emergency contact...next to Eddie”

“Oh god..please don’t-“

“You called him crying but you didn’t tell him what happened. So I told him you needed to sleep it off. No one knows you’re here besides me and...Bev”

“Bev? Why Bev?”

“Because you called her telling her everything. And I mean. Everything” Stan rolls his eyes as this is such the perfect final afternoon in New York. Stan decided to stay with Rich until he’s done with New York. 

“Hmmm....thank god I have no shows tonight. Just a flight to Miami. Maybe Mike will take me in”

“Maybe. But I have to go back to LA. Do you think you’d survive without me?”

“Yes Staniel” Richie laughs as he sat up more in the ER bed scanning around. “Do you have my phone?”

“Yeah. Why?” Stan took it out of his pocket handing you to Richie. 

Bev: YOU. I SWEAR TO GOD

Bev: I don’t want to go full mama bear on your ass cuz you’re forty years old but I swear to fucking Christ

Bev: I will BEAT YOUR ASS. Next time we meet. 

Bev: But for fuck sake. I’m glad Stan was there and you called. BUT. He told me you cried to Eddie

Bev: You didn’t say anything right?

Bev: I swear to fuck. 

Bev: Okay. Stan called me when you got to the ER from his phone instead of taking yours away last night. He told me you didn’t tell him

Bev: Thank GOD.

Bev: Call me when you’re okay Richie. Or I’ll fly to wherever you are to KICK YOUR ASS.

“Glad to know she cares” Richie laughs as he scrolls through a few more notifications finding texts from Eddie. “Oh god. You sure I didn’t say anything to Eddie?”

“Yeah? Why?”

“He texted me in a burst too. But it’s...I don’t know”

Eds: Are you okay

Eds: Rich

Eds: Did you drink yourself out again

Eds: Richie. 

Eds: God please don’t be alone. 

Eds: Richie I’m sorry

Eds: Please. Please just text me when you’re okay

Eds: No fuck you dickwad. Text me IMMEDIATELY

Eds: God you better not be dead

Eds: For fuck sake 

Eds: Where the fuck are you

Eds: Myra is holding me captive in this fucking house that I bought with my own goddamn money. I want to find you and make sure you’re fucking okay. Fuck this psycho bitch. I’m going to find you

Eds: Richie. Why didn’t you tell me Stan was in town?

Eds: ...

Eds: Was that your original intention of leaving my guest room?

Eds: Rich

Eds: I didn’t want you to leave.

Eds: Myra is fucking insane. 

Eds: Richie please text me when you can

Eds: YOU ARE IN THE FUCKING E R ?!

Eds: I HAD TO FUCKING HEAR IT FROM BEV WHO HEARD FROM YOU. BUT WAS CONFIRMED FROM STAN?! RICHIE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

Eds: YOU BETTER NOT LOSE YOUR FUCKING LIVER CUZ YOU CAN DIE 

Eds: You better not die. Better fucking not

Eds: I can’t lose you

Stan frowns watching the tears forming in Richie’s eyes as he read all the texts. He set his phone down to take a deep breath trying to relax himself. 

“I want to tell him my feelings...But how the fuck am I supposed to do that with his situation”

“Didn’t he hear you under Neibolt?”

“But completely? Who the fuck knows...” Richie frowns as Stan rest his hand on his shoulder for comfort. But I’m Richie’s head he really wanted to drink again. 

A few hours went by as Stanley sets his suitcase down at the load off of LAX. He scanned around for a familiar car before getting spooked from behind by Bill. 

“The hell-“

“Sorry I thought you were still at baggage-“ Bill stopped talking when Stanley wrapper his arms around him squeezing him tightly. “Claim...hey” he brought him closer resting his head on his shoulder. 

“I missed you”

“Mm..me too” 

“But there’s something-“ The two said in unison as they were parting. 

“Did Rich-“

“Patty came to see me..”

“....” Stan full retracted himself as Bill didn’t know what else to say in that moment. “Bill, I’m going to talk to her..”

“Stan I know but..before anything. You know I’ll always love you no matter what you decide in the end.”

“Bill, I still have those feelings for her. I’m sorry that...it took you confessing to realize...realize..” Stan started to tear up as the words weren’t coming out right. But Bill understood where he was getting at. 

Sometimes it takes a big hit to understand where your heart truly is...

Even if it hurts one in the process..


	10. Maybe, Not Tonight [Pt. 1]

“Bisexual?”

“You ask me that like it’s a question Rich”

“What? You’re talking to someone who’s in the closet. Sorry if I’m trying to get things....straight.”

“I will kick your ass” Bill frowns as Richie rolls his eyes. “Now I swear to fuck you better not say anything while on set”

“You wanted a friend today. I was available after a shitty three month tour. So here I am. I’ll respect the rules” Richie smiles putting his hands in his pockets. “For the most part”

“Beep beep Richie” Bill rolls his eyes opening the door to his trailer with Richie following shortly behind before immediately turning around at the sight of an angry Bev. “Nope can’t leave-“ he grabbed Richie’s arm hearing him scream. “RICH YOU’RE FORTY SHUT UP” 

“YOU DIDNT CALL ME BACK FROM THAT ONE NIGHT” Bev yells as she angrily stepped on his foot. 

“WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE IN LA?!” Richie scream as the two continued to argue while Bill took his leave locking the two in there. “NOW WE ARE FUCKING STUCK IN HERE”

“Stop yelling Richie. You are going to explain everything that happened in New York.” 

“What do you mean? I thought Staniel did that”

“Rich. Stanley didn’t witness what happened at Eddie’s house. Only you and Eddie. But Eddie won’t tell me what is going on in your head because he’s not you”

“I really don’t want to talk about it at all...” Richie frowns sitting down as Bev sat beside him taking his hand into hers. “You think holding my hand is going to make me crack?”

“No, but it’s reassuring. Because knowing you Rich? You’ve kept enough secrets and enough pain. That you don’t need to keep it to yourself anymore”

“Yeah I know but you’re Beverly. You’re the lovely Bev Marsh dating the Brazilian looking super model Ben Hanscom. You’re the one that got the love of your life back into your life...You may have been oblivious all these years...but once we all reunited again? God...I remember every signal. Every flirty remark I tried giving Eddie. And he was oblivious. But why did I wait till he was dying in my arms to tell him how I feel. And even then I don’t know if he understood me completely. He’s back. Praise fucking god if there is one. But..what am I supposed to do now? When his wife blames me for everything, wishes it was me under Neibolt, and when the world seems to be making a shitton of the decisions for me. I don’t know what to do anymore. Because..I have my friends. I have a career. My best friend and crush aren’t dead. They are alive. We all survived. There’s something to be happy about. But those facts..that happened before the calm of the storm...my heart can’t control itself and my head hurts..” 

Bev frowns before retracting her hand and resting her head on his shoulder. 

“Ben asked me to marry him”

“What?! Bev-“

“I said yes, but on one condition”

“Which is?”

“He doesn’t get upset when I want to make sure our friends are okay” Bev smiles as she reaches into her shirt showing the ring on a necklace. “And the fact that I don’t want to wear the ring twenty four seven. You know where he is right now?”

“Hm?”

“Traveling with Mike. To check out a few places in Germany. He needs Mike’s historic knowledge and he’s just like me which makes him more perfect”

“The fact that he wants to make sure our friends are okay?”

“You guys are our family. What happened in Derry. Happened to us seven. And we had each other to fall back on. Even when we hated each other. Even when...life is hard” Bev soon gave Richie a death stare as he knew exactly where she was getting at. 

While the two were in the trailer, Bill stayed close as possible sitting on the steps one moment or walking around it. Mainly since he locked the two in there. He kept checking his phone for texts from Stan but during those three months he made his decision. 

Patty

And Bill was fine. Fine. Not great. 

“William, the director asked me to send you the final cut. But you also received a few things when you were out for a week” Bill’s assistant states as Bill only took a week off to help Stan move back in with Patty. 

Bill takes a hold of the CD and the package that was handed to him. He stares down in his arms taking a minute in his thoughts. 

“I Uh. Will let him know what I think when I’ve watched it”

“I’ll let him know. Enjoy the film Mr. Denbrough”

“Thank you” Bill frowns as he stares at the address from where the package was from and it was from Audra. 

Bill unlocks the door to see Bev and Richie still talking. He sets down the CD before going back out to take a true minute to himself with the package. Bev frowns as she got up smacking Richie indicating to follow her. 

“I can’t be alone when you two around huh?”

“Nope”

“Sorry Billiam”

“Can I just be left alone?”

“Hm. You know me Bill. I’ve got a second sense. This package holds something that clearly upsets you. Which makes me think it’s from Audra” Richie states as Bill stops walking which made the two stop. 

“How did you know that this package is from Audra” Bill frowns as Richie snickered a bit. 

“You see. My second sense is just...wild guessing and sometimes I’m right” Richie laughs as Bill elbows him to shut him up for a moment. 

“You’re lucky I like you Rich. But you are right...” Bill frowns as he stops at the edge of the lot. “Can I really just be left alone with this?”

“Hm. No, but we will give you space. But my version is space baby” Bev smiles gripping Bill’s shoulders. 

Bill sooner than later finds himself sitting alone in his study. Bev and Richie being in the living room in case he needs anything. 

“Why did I agree to this. Right cuz these are signed divorce papers. Losing the love of my life....three times...two if you exclude Bev but you know. Teens have love of their lives for who knows how long. Maybe not as long as Ben but hey. He’s got the word lest greatest badass as a girlfriend. Shit I really...should get back to this” Bill frowns knowing papers are not a big deal but when he takes them out of the package he felt the emotions dig a little deeper. “We never worked. Especially when you started being the main lead to my book adaptations..hell. They weren’t...” he read a few additional notes left by Audra’s lawyer setting them down. “You kept secrets...all this time. Just because of the fucking career choice” he pushes the papers off the table and going into one of the drawers taking out an aged scotch. “Baby....a fucking baby....oh my god what the fuck is wrong with me...” 

“Do you think he’s losing his mind yet?”

“Richie. You always jump to that?”

“What? I’d lose my mind over divorce papers”

“Well you have to be married to experience that” Bev frowns as she went through divorce and a restraining order. But she had Ben there for her. That’s why she’s there for Bill since he doesn’t have Stan. 

The two flinch to the sound of glass breaking. 

“And that m’lady, is our cue” Richie got up quickly heading to Bill’s study with Bev behind him. 

Bev entered first seeing the bottle of scotch broken on the floor. She quickly grabbed the papers before the scotch damaged them even more. Richie looks at Bill seeing him slouched onto his desk like a teenager in detention. He walks over to his friend’s side resting a hand on his shoulder before getting pulled into a hug from Bill who needed one. Deep down so did Richie. He held his friend letting him break as Bev, knew she shouldn’t, but read a few of the notes frowning wishing this kind of stuff never happened to Bill. 

He lost his brother

Watched his best friend get impaled 

Stayed countless days by his love’s bedside to only be not chosen 

Now knowing that his ex-wife kept secrets...

Abortion related secrets. 

Yes it’s her body, but they were married when it happened. 

Bill is allowed to feel all kinds of things at this very moment. 

Not to be extremely serious during a time of recovery after all that has happened, but some things can’t be ignored after what happened in Derry. Life doesn’t stop. 


	11. Maybe, Not Tonight [Pt. 2]

Audra, why did you keep this from me? Why did I have to hear it from lawyers? I wish I could ask you in person. But you declared that the only time we see one another, is when it’s professional. God. You’re amazing in my films. But fuck can I not write a ending. 

————

“Mind staying with me Rich?”

“No I don’t, why even bother asking Billiam” Richie smiles hugging Bill tightly as he returns the same amount of squeezing. 

“Okay can I join before I take a Uber to the airport?” Bev laughs as the two immediately bring her in. “Aww I love your guy’s bear hugs” she smiles happily. 

When Beverly left, the two found themselves in Bill’s backyard. Richie kept his attention on Bill but Bill wanted to talk about something that related to his friend more than himself. A distraction from his own mess of a past but knows he’s not the only one hurting. 

“Are you going to tell me what happened in New York?”

“I honestly thought Bev told you”

“What do you mean?”

“When we were younger shit I’d say to her would end up to everyone but that one person I was talking about”

“Well. We are in our late thirties and early forties. We’ve matured. I don’t think she’d do that anymore. Unless she really had to”

Richie shrugs as he leans back in the lawn chair. “Do you think he’s okay?”

“Who? Eddie?”

“Yeah...I know you two talk Bill, he’s your best friend and your his. I know you talk. So I guess I shouldn’t question if Bev told you. But did Eddie?”

Bill frowns nodding as his answer. Richie sighs looking up at the sky trying to clear his head enough so the words wouldn’t be scrambled. 

“Myra shouldn’t have said that you know”

“She did though. And she’s not wrong”

“Rich-“

“Bill, I should’ve been the one stuck down there instead of Eddie”

“You know Eddie understands”

“You sure? He understands everything? Even shit I said when he was “dead”?” 

“What do you mean by that?”

Richie frowns wishing he never had to repeat his feelings out loud again. But he knew he’d have to some day to that person. 

“I love him”

“Eddie..”

“I told him I love him when I thought he was dead. I’ve loved him since we were kids. And I’ve waited twenty seven years to say it. Say it to a corpse. But now he’s not dead. Nor is Stan. So, shoot my shot?”

“When you’re ready”

“What?”

“You really want to confess again when he’s still with that hag?” Bill rolls his eyes wishing he wasn’t going to be mean or confess secrets that weren’t his. But some had to be said. At least he thought so. “Eddie hates Myra. And it took going to Derry again to realize she reminds him of his mother”

“Ouch. Sorry but Sonia was a hundred times better than Myra”

“Are you only saying that because Myra smacked you?”

“No because mothers don’t say shit in front of your friends about your friends” Richie bites the point as Bill couldn’t agree more.

“Do you think he’ll go to you?”

“I don’t know”

“...can I ask something stupid?”

“What isn’t stupid?”

“I hate you, b-but do you think S-Stan misses me?” Bill frowns as Richie knew the stuttering comes out really when his friend is getting anxious or emotional. Or both. It’s Bill. Give him a break. 

“Who doesn’t miss you Bill? I bet Stan does. Even if he did pick Patty. He still loves you” Richie watches Bill’s expression grow more upset as he got up from his lawn chair and squeezing himself into Bill’s with him in it. 

Which resulted in Richie holding Bill and letting him be all emotional all he wants. Letting him know that he’s there. We’ve all experienced shit. But Richie knew what swims in Bill’s thoughts all the time. 

After a while of silence outside, Bill and Rich came inside to do their separate thing for a moment. But in Richie’s case that was mainly check social media accounts of his friends seeing if anything exciting is going on or checking out memes because why not. 

[E.Kaspbrak : Finally able to go outside without my wife attached to my hip]

Richie laughs a bit reading that as it was the first thing he’s tweeted since...yeah. He was about to reply but decided not to. 

Meanwhile Eddie stood outside his home looking at the fog coming from his breath. Who knew it’d be this cold at night in New York around this time of year. He much needed this and he needs to space for longer periods of time uninterrupted unless he was interrupted by his losers. Then he can never be mad for long. But he’s stuck in a situation he didn’t ask for. Eddie felt his phone buzzing as he reads Mike and Ben, indicating they are messaging on their group chat.

Mike: Saw your post! Does that mean you can try and get your job back?

Ben: Must be breath taking getting a break from the wife

Eddie: I’m somewhat my own boss as a risk analyst but MY ACTUAL boss. Kept my job for me after hearing about my injury

Mike: That’s great!  🥳 When can you start drinking? Next time we meet up you deserve one

Ben: Especially after dealing with Myra

Eddie: Ugh. Myra don’t even bring her up. 

Ben: Well....Speaking of wives. I have zero clue if Rich blabbed yet. But you two were the first ones I’d like to know. 

Mike: Oh?

Eddie: ???

Ben: I asked Beverly to marry me, and she said yes  😊

Mike: WHY TELL ME OVER TEXTS YOURE LITERALLY IN THE SAME HOTEL AS ME

Eddie: IM NOT MIKE. CONGRATS BEN! 

Ben: Thank you. Thank you  💞 Anyway,,when are us losers going to reunite again??? 

Eddie: You sound like how we were in middle school...But I don’t know. I feel like Myra would force me to invite her if we all hang out

Mike: Hmm  🤔 We could always move this to the group chat with every loser

Ben: True true. But time zones are killer. I’m surprised Eddie is awake. 

Eddie: Maybe when you two get back in the states we’ll talk about it. Prob during the holidays?

Mike: Sounds like the start of a plan

Ben: Well I’m gonna call Bev before she passes out. I’ll txt y’all later  ✌🏻

Eddie: Night guys

Mike: Good morning lol

Eddie: Right

Eddie thought to himself as he switches chats to find Richie’s contact. He stares for a while before finally managing. 

Eddie: Hey

Richie picked up his phone from the table which caught Bill’s attention. 

“Who is it?”

“Eddie”

“Go ahead” Bill smiles patting Richie’s back letting him be alone with the nerd across the country. 

Eddie: Hey

Richie: Sup Eds

Eddie: Ugh. You’re never gonna stop calling me that,,,,

Richie: Never ever baby 

Richie: Did you need somethin?

Eddie: Besides someone to talk to. Not really

Richie: Awww texting me to talk to me  💞 I feel special 

Eddie: You are special dumbass

Richie: Didn’t need the dumbass but thank you  😊

Maybe...he could talk about it? Just...maybe. But there’s never going to be a right time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time zones fuck me up, bare with me.


	12. Maybe, Not Tonight [Pt.3]

A few days went by as Richie headed back to his apartment to get something for Bill. Mainly his version of a comfort item which is of course fireball whiskey. He also needed more things for him to stay over a few more nights but as he packed a bag. Richie grabbed the jacket from that night. 

Richie....

Eddie...

Eddie?

Please we have to save him!

IM NOT LEAVING HIM DOWN HERE!

Richie gripped onto it bringing it close to his chest as he felt the tears starting to form and trickle down his cheeks. 

He needed a moment. 

“Is Richie still hanging out at your house?” Mike asks Bill over video chat. The two have been doing this more recently and every other day. 

“I’m tempted to ask him to be a roommate. House is too big for just me”

“Well at least you can have constant jokes on the daily”

“Richie hasn’t been making too many jokes lately. Well ever since he had that tour stop in New York”

“Odd?”

“Very Odd. Which reminds me. He was just going to get something from his apartment and come back” Bill frowns grabbing his phone checking if he got any texts from him. This case there was none. “I wonder if he’s deciding to stay or not”

“Maybe for the night? Who knows. You could always check up on him”

“True, but sometimes he seems to like being alone. When I fucking hate it”

“How are you doing? After everything”

“Tired. Annoyed. Upset. I don’t really know what else to say Mike” Bill frowns resting his head in his hand. 

“It’s normal to feel that way after all” Mike states watching Bill fiddle with his hands before removing the ring of an awful marriage starting to fiddle with that. “You could always burn it. Throw it in the ocean. Give it to your ex with a death note. Now okay that’s overboard and the other two options I saw in movies. But get rid of it”

“The ocean one is from Greys isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Sorry but I love Addison” Mike laughs as he enjoys hearing Bill’s laugh. A laugh that never changed. Always so perfect. 

To him.

An hour on call has gone by, Bill started to feel better and the call now is just catching up with his dear friend. He hears the sound of his front door open and fail to close. Bill immediately turns to a very broken down looking Richie. 

He had been crying and still was crying still. 

“I’ll call you back Mike” Bill says calmly ending the call, closing his laptop, and instantly heading over to Rich resting his hands on his shoulders. “Richie...What’s wrong”

He died in your arms. 

“I-...” Richie choked on his words already without saying much. 

You left him under there..

“Rich. Come on, you’re okay. I’m here” Bill frowns as he watches Richie drop his bag on the floor. “Huh...?”

It didn’t stop the bleeding...

He bled out....

Richie instantly took out the leather jacket from that night. Bill stopped in his place taking it into his hands. 

He was your best friend...

How could you?

Bill started shaking as Richie obviously knew he wasn’t the one hurting. He wrapped his arms around Bill bringing him close. 

You both left him there to die...

But he knew it was only right...

Like how....Stan knew...

What he did...

Was right....

But so wrong...

The two took their emotions and let it out in that moment. They both knew that the losers will forever remember what has happened in Derry, Outside of Derry, and within the seven. But the pain. Is different. In every single one of them. 

Maybe not tonight is the night. To be honest. About oneself. 

Not yet about feelings for another. 


	13. Benverly [Pt. 1]

Dear Well. Me? I don’t know how journaling works. But it’s supposed to clear the mind of all that has happened. It’ll always be there. But this’ll bring ease. Without paying hundreds of dollars for a therapist that may or may not be top-notch like yelp reviews say they are. So I’m journaling. But it’s hard. It’s hard to journal something when no one but us seven will understand. As I’m writing, I keep glancing at my engagement ring. That I didn’t bother wearing until all of my family knew. (Remember. My family. Will always be my losers. No one else. Unless...well who knows what Ben and I have in store). Regardless. Ben made it. And instead of a traditional diamond. It’s Amber. A small amber stone on a branch like a designed ring. Still can’t believe Ben, meat hand, Ben made this. But it also makes me remember the fact that he’s been in love with me for all this time and I was so blind to it when we were kids to teens. He makes me feel like a million bucks, unlike my ex. Ben makes life worth living and I spent the past few months learning that. He makes me, not afraid to be myself. I’d like to leave this entry on a good note. Thank you...for listening? Weird. -Beverly Marsh

————

“Do you mind sending the drawn material to my partner? Then we can get our clothing manufactures involved to bring the work to life” Beverly smiles as her assistant written down all asked of her before taking the proofs. “Thank you Rose”

“Of course Ms. Marsh” Rose smiles heading out of her office walking passed a very tired of traveling Ben holding a bouquet of roses in his hand. “Good morning Mr. Hanscom”

“Morning Rose” Ben smiles before smiling, even more, locking eyes with his love. “Good morning Ms. Marsh” he continued to have that smile Beverly loved so much. That when he finally closed the door she got up embracing Ben when he walked beside her. 

“How was Germany?”

“Wonderful. But I wish it were you with me” Ben smiles kissing her cheek before giving a gentle loving kiss on her sweet soft lips. 

“Mm, at least Mike had a good time. Right?”

“It’s nice spending time with friends. But I’d love at least an hour with my fiancé before she goes back to work”

“An hour you’ll get. After I get confirmation from my partner Cam” Beverly smiles stealing another kiss before taking the roses. “You can wait here?”

“Of course love” Ben smiles watching Bev walked out. 

Ben took the moment to sit down on her couch and check up on their Losers. But more specifically. The missed messages coming from the one and only Eddie Kaspbrak.

Eddie: Did Beverly get a restraining order?

Eddie: Fuck. That’s random. 

Eddie: I just got back into work yesterday and I’m honestly already over thinking about my own life

Eddie: I’d ask Bill about his divorce lawyer but Mike told me he needs to not focus on the aftermath of it all. 

Eddie: Understandable. But he’s like the only one other than Bev that got a divorce. 

Eddie: I need help

Ben: Calm down, and you can ask Beverly about the divorce lawyer. But regarding restraining order? That took a lot out of her because even after filing it. She is still worried. So, and from my knowledge. Myra is just clingy. Not abusive. I don’t think there’s a valid reason for a restraining order. 

Eddie: Okay. There’s sadly more context to that on Myra’s end and I had to hear about it. Which. I wasn’t in the right headspace. But. I don’t know. I thought she was going to leave me that one night in the hospital but she didn’t. 

Ben: Why did you think she was going to leave you?

Eddie: Because of Richie 

Ben needed more information on that. But from what he recalls. Richie told him he liked him that one night at the hospital. Before getting interrupted, leaving Eddie in the full dark when it came to in-depth feelings. But he doesn’t understand how restraining order not towards Myra goes toward Richie. 

Then it was clearly obvious. 

Ben: Did Myra file a restraining order towards Richie, for you?

Eddie: She’s about to. And I don’t fucking want that. He’s already across the country. Why add that

Ben: Like I said. Bev can give you the number to her divorce lawyer and put something together 

Eddie: Yeah but I’ll still be stuck here

Ben: What do you mean?

Eddie: I bought this house. I’ll kick her out obviously. But regarding my job and where I spent most of my adult life. I can’t just leave it 

Ben: No one's forcing you to leave Eddie

Ben: Unless you’re putting in other factors

Eddie: I just don’t know. I’m scared

Ben: Well. One step at a time Eddie. You’ll be fine. You know why?

Eddie: Why??

Ben: You got your fellow losers to back you up

Eddie: Thanks Ben, I kinda always need to remember that  💞

Ben: Of course Eddie! I’ll make sure you never forget it! You have your losers on your side!

Ben: Don’t be afraid to text any of us man. And I mean it

Ben is the poem guy. The man with the big heart. He’s a fan of love. So, of course, he’s going to try and drift Eddie, Richie’s way one way or another. Even if it takes some time. But it wouldn’t take number one priority over Beverly. 

“Hey! Come on” Bev smiles peeking her head around the door after opening it. 

Ben got up happily heading out with his love. 

“So I was thinking” Bev smiles as the two were walking down this path by the park closest to their home. “The Losers can be at their own table at our wedding, then your parents can sit with us at our line table”

“You sure? You told me you never really liked that from your last marriage”

“Well, that’s because his parents hated me. Your mother loves me and I love her.”

“Okay, then it’s settled. But if we were to have bridesmaids and groomsmen that consist of our losers. I think the line table should include the losers. So our family, my mother, and the rest of the circle tables can have our friends from our lives”

“That sounds perfect. Now. I know Richie is going to throw you a bachelor party. But I was hoping Patty can be part of my bridesmaids. Stan hasn’t talked much about her and the last time I talked to her was...well that night at the Chinese restaurant” 

“You can always ask Stan. But if you really want to meet someone and get to know them. Especially if they are married to one of our losers. We could have a holiday party. Invite all of our losers. Stan would ask to bring Patty. We say yes”

“Hm. Very smart Benny” Bev smiles bringing Ben down to give him a kiss or two. 

It’s going to be a small wedding, but the reception is more of what they are planning. 

After the workday was over, Bev happily relaxed in her safe home checking a few things for work on her laptop. Before getting disturbed by a call coming from Eddie. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Bev”

“Sup nerd”

“Okay, what’s up with all the nicknames towards me. The fuck”

“Chill Edward” Bev laughs a little. “How are you”

“I’m..Well I don’t fucking know”

“Very descriptive Eddie. But okay. What’s the point of this call? Besides me asking how you’re feeling since you’re back at work and you’re still with that quack”

“Why does everybody say that about her. Honestly. I understand completely but FUCK. I don’t know. I’m just-“

“Eddie. Get to the point”

“I need a divorce lawyer and Ben said you had the best”

“Well. I don’t think...he’s the very best. But he’s the best for me. Do you want me to text you his information?”

Silence

“Eddie? Is there...more to this?”

“I just...I’m so confused and conflicted.”

“Like you don’t want to do this?” Bev frowns as she was the one who listened to Eddie when he went on about Myra. Since he wouldn’t talk much about it to the others for....reasons

“I never did this before and I don’t want her to think I’m doing this because of somebody”

“Somebody? So, there are more factors than her being very VERY much like your mother”

“She’d...instantly think I’m divorcing her for Richie”

Bev stops her train of thought. Now thinking about what he just said. 

”Uh”

”I know it...sounds weird” Eddie grimaces in the corner of his sofa. ”I just want to navigate that thought out of her head”

”Hers or yours?”

“I...” Eddie stops what he was getting at and just sat in the silence for a while. Bev waited patiently for him but the silence kept on until Eddie had to end it because of Myra. 

Bev frowns looking down at her phone worrying for her friend. She found the contact for her lawyer and sent it to Eddie. 

Eddie: Thank you 

Bev: Of course 


	14. Benverly [Pt. 2]

Why am I writing this again? No one is ever gonna read it. Maybe that's why. Whatever. This is too complicated for me but Bev says it works. My name is Benjamin Hanscom and I'm about to be the luckiest man alive by marrying Ms. Beverly Marsh. I know we haven't seen each other for 27 years, but the wait was worth it. Even with the troubling speed bumps along the way. I know I'm lucky to have the Losers by my side helping me prepare things. But if I'm being honest. Bill just went through a divorce and I don't wang his feelings ignored, Eddie is filing for divorce and is about to go through hell and back, Richie won't confess his feelings towards Eddie because he was high on pain medication the last time he tried, Stan has been having a lot of episodes that Patty is trying to get under control, and Mike is planning a move. So as much as I appreciate them helping, I still want to be there for them and Beverly knows that. God. What did I do to deserve her?? Like seriously. I was the fat kid who well had a crush on a girl who socially shouldn’t be seen with me. But she liked me for who I was. And still does! Even if I did lose a lot of weight and gain a bit of confidence. She still likes me no matter what. God. I’m fucking blessed. -Ben Hanscom

————

Ben sat at the island in the kitchen going over some wedding designs Bev left for him before she went to work. He had the day off and dedicated it to planning but he also checked in every once a while with all the losers. 

Ben: Good morning!

Richie: Ugh so loud

Bill: This is a text conversation

Richie: Well the brightness is fucking loud

Stan: Are you hungover?

Richie: No I’m just peachy

Ben: So hungover?

Bev: Who did you party with this time

Richie: Me. Myself. And I

Eddie: Lovely

Richie: You shut up

Eddie: What did I do to deserve this

Richie: I don’t know

Ben: Uh. Good morning?

Bev: GOOD MORNING  🥰💞

Mike: what did I walk into 

Bill: Again. Text conversation. 

Mike: Y’know. Rich would usually say this. But I will punch you for pointing out the obvious Bill

Bill: I’ll take it

Richie: You cried watching Marley and Me

Stan: Who didn’t cry at that movie?

Richie: You’d be surprised

Ben: Uh. I don’t know how to steer the conversation

Bev: I do, MIKE! How’s moving?

Mike: Oh boy. It’s just a plan. But for the most part. There are job openings in Los Angeles for a management position in a bookstore 

Richie: MIKEY BOY MIGHT COME HERE?!  🤩

Eddie: Come here Mike. You won't lose brain cells

Richie: And he won't with you around?

Bill: Okay. Children. Calm down.

Ben: Maybe we can have a moving party and help you pack Mike  🥳 when things line up

Mike: That would actually be very helpful. I'll let you know

Richie: Can someone call my manager? 

Eddie: The fuck. Why

Richie: Because. I can't remember what I did last night and I'm not in LA. I don't even think I'm in California 

Bill: Oh my god

Bill: Do I need to come to get your ass

Richie: Once I figure out where I'm at

Ben watches the group chat go on calling out Richie for being a dumbass. But before he could do anything. Bev started calling. 

”Babe?”

”Hey! Come to work”

”Shouldn't we help the others with the Richie situation?”

”Bill is going to get him. Because his dumbass is still in California. Just not in LA”

”How...do you-”

”Find My iPhone babe. Now come on!! I have something for you” Bev squeals over the phone as Ben laughs a little before ending it to get ready. 

After a terrible drive, Ben walks into Bev’s agency watching interns and assistants run across the office every now and then. The occasional designer yelling at the models that come in every other week. Ben felt out of place for a quick minute before lighting up when Bev ran up to him pulling him into a hug. 

”You literally are the only reason I'm still sane” Bev smiles pulling away as Ben froze confused before following her. 

”Everything alright here?”

”Yes. And...No? I don't know. My designers are putting the work on the model and they aren't liking what they produced. So there's a lot of yelling and calling manufacturers”

”And for you?”

”Well. This next showcase. Shows my new line. And the line specifically for designers I take in to teach. Show what they can produce so they can get signed into industries. Even my own. Or someone sponsors them to become their own” Bev says calmly opening one of the walk-in closets for personal pieces that are never shown. ”Remember how I said, I'm designing my dress?”

”Yes?” Ben follows watching her pull out a clothing line showing the tuxes for their losers. ”You made-”

”These are just prototypes. I need measurements and stuff like that. I only made the others. You gotta go find yours yourself” Bev smiles as she knows her man has good taste. Ben smiles at her inching closer and kissing her lovingly. 

The kiss lasted a bit as they were enjoying the alone time and silence. Bev parts and starts smiling, even more, bringing Ben and keeping him in her arms. This was new. Holding onto someone who truly loves you. Someone who only wants to love and support you. The perfect Mr. Right has been in Bev’s life ever since they met. It just took twenty-seven years to figure it out. 

After Bev showed Ben the different patterns lined inside the suits to be true to their losers traits, she went to take care of business as Ben directed himself back home. 

Ben didn't mind an empty house when he knew Bev was going to come home after work. But he gets nervous over things that he wrote down before. It's not his business. He still cares though. 

Ben: Yo!

Richie: What the fuck

Ben: What?

Richie: What'd I do this time

Ben: Nothing? Unless you did do something

Richie: I fucked your mom

Ben: That's gross, and I thought you were up in Mama Kaspbrak’s grill

Richie: She’s dead so I can’t really dig that up

Ben: I see what you did there

Richie: Finally someone with joke brain cells 

Ben: Regardless, I want to see if you made it back home

Richie: I did. Well. I'm at Bill’s

Ben: Did he get you?

Richie: My manager did, he dropped me off at Bill’s thinking I shouldn't be alone

Ben: What happened?

Richie: Give me a sec

In Richie’s head, a second means an hour. But Ben patiently waited until Richie started calling. 

”Hey”

”Ah Big Ben!”

”You sound like I called you”

”Well, I needed to be outside of Bill’s range. Even though. I doubt he cares when I talk about anything in the romance department”

”I don't see where this is going bud”

”You should clearly see where this is going” Richie scoffs as he sat in Bill’s backyard. ”Man. Who knew he'd make a lot of money as an author”

”You gotta remember Richie. His books became a movie or two. He gets paid for that” Ben leans back in his chair staring at the home screen of his losers looking at Eddie for a minute. ”Is this about Eddie man?”

”Damn. What a mind reader you are” Richie frowns fiddling with something in his hand. ”Did Bev tell you?”

”Tell me what?”

”About his divorce” Richie leans into the lawn chair. ”I didn't hear it from Eddie. So I thought Bev told you”

”Mm. Eddie texted me asking for Bev’s lawyer. But I don't know their conversation. Why would Bev tell you? No offense Rich. I love you two and all but that's Eddie’s business. If he wants to share he should share”

”It became my business when Myra threatened me” 

Ben frowns listening to how Myra reached out in full fury against Richie because she thinks he took Eddie. When he didn't. Then the threatening part goes back to the whole mention of a restraining order put against Rich. Which never happened. 

”Rich. You can-”

”I'm not filing anything. I won't do that”

”But. She threatened you-”

”I thought that if I did something. I'd lose Eddie again somehow. And I had enough of that” Richie frowns. ”Its been a year. I'm sorry but I can't”

”No no. I get you. Somehow. But she really shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry she did”

”I didn't want to take Eddie away. I just wanted him to know how I felt” Richie frowns not knowing the next words to say as he decided to just end the call. Leaving Ben in a confused state. 

Ben: Call me or text me if you need anything Rich

Richie:  👍🏻

Ben frowns setting his phone down and the next thing he knew. Bev wrapped her arms around his neck from behind. 

”Everything alright?”

”I'm just worried”

”Mm..everything will smooth out babe” Bev rests her head on top of his comfortably. 

Everything will smooth out


	15. NYLA

The wedding date got closer and the two were getting excited. Bev had set up a date for all the boys to come to her work so that nothing gets interfered with their plans. The losers we're reuniting in Nebraska in a very relaxing summer. With Patty. Bev wanted to make her dress and needed her measurements. So what a perfect time to have her come then when they all reunite. 

”Why did you buy my ticket when I could've?”

”Wouldn’t it be nice to go together?” 

”Mm. If I fall asleep on the plane you can't get mad Big Bill” Richie says calmly waiting for shorty to check in his bag. 

The two then went through the security check and eventually just sat in front of their gate until they board. Richie felt the old lingering pain in his chest resurface for the millionth time that day. Bill kept glancing at Rich when he hasn't moved from looking out the window for some time. Something was wrong. Bill had a guess. 

“Nervous about seeing the others?”

“Hm?” Richie snapped out of it. “Uh. Nope. What about you? Stan and Patty are gonna be there. It was-“

“Okay if you’re gonna be forward. E-Eddie is gonna be there obviously. I don’t know if his divorce is finalized yet. But he’s gonna be there in whatever mood he is in”

“I hate you sometimes. But yeah. I’m kinda nervous on seeing Eddie”

“And I’m nervous about Stan and Patty”

“At least we’re both uncomfortable. Maybe when we drink they won’t think it’s out of emotion” Richie tried to joke. But the pain is still too soon. 

“Hm. Remind me not to let you drink on the plane”

“Okay” Richie scoffs checking his texts finding a few from Mike and Stan. The two already made it to the Benverly house. 

Mike: They have a dog!

Stan: Thats really all he wanted to say. 

Mike: Not true. When are you two flying in? I can come and get you

Stan: Well. I’m tagging along. Bev took Patty for the day because...quote on quote..She’s the only other girl in the losers club

Richie: Eddie can be a pussy sometimes

Mike: Why did I see that coming

Stan: Are you guys still waiting?

Richie: Yeah. About another hour or so and we’ll be in the air

Mike: Well. Regardless. We’ll pick you up

Richie: I don’t want to be a dick. But do you mind if we just UBER over there? It’ll be pretty late when we get in and I don’t think the pleasantries of our friends picking us up would cover the fact that we may or may not snap at y’all

Mike: Why would you snap at us?

Richie: 4 hours on a plane with the looks of it will have three little children 

Stan: Yeah. I don’t want to get snapped at by Bill

Mike: Well I can second that. So I guess we’ll see you when you get here

Stan: Oh. That reminds me. Eddie is coming in tomorrow and he needs a ride

Richie: Okay? You can get him. 

Mike: Rich are you that stupid

Richie: Stuff that happened was too fresh. I believe you can understand that. 

Stan: You want to talk about it?

Richie: No. I gotta go. 

Mike frowns turning to Stan as he crosses his arms. 

“He’s forty and still can’t express himself”

“Well name one person who can Stan”

“You” Stan looks at Mike watching his expression question what he means. But he’s not lying. As a kid he may have been a bit closed off but as Mike got older he was more open about things. 

How do you think he got them all to come back? Honesty and trickery. He did drug Bill so. 

When the plane boarded Richie had the window and Bill the isle. The flight started off loud and wild because of the turbulence and the annoyed people on the plane. Then the last half hour everything was quiet and peaceful. 

Except for all the thoughts floating in Richie’s head. 

“He died in front of me”

“W-What?” Bill took his headphones off to catch what Richie said again. 

“He died in front of me Bill” Richie frowns. “I’m only nervous because I lost him and he’s back. But not in any help from me. He got out of there, was found by somebody else, and now we’re here.”

“W-Well. What’s worse...that o-o-or having to be second choice?”

“Bill. I will toss you out of this plane.” Richie frowns before taking his friend’s hand comfortingly. “But yeah. I can see how there equally as bad”

“I-In different w-ways”

When the plane landed, Richie called an Uber for the two before checking his texts to find one from Eddie. 

Eds: Can’t wait to see you 

Richie took a minute to put past what he said in the plane just so he could enjoy the moment. 

Richie: Can’t wait either Eddie Spaghetti 

These two....

One smooth car ride lead to another and the two finally made it to the Hanscom residence. Richie grabbed their bags from the trunk as Bill walked up to knock on the door. 

“Big Bill!” Mike cheers as he opens the door. 

“Thought Ben would answer s-since it’s his house” Bill laughs a bit before hugging Mike when Richie passed by both of them setting their stuff down locking eyes with Stan. 

“Wanna talk?”

“Yeah”

“Alright” Stan got up from the couch heading to the backyard with Richie. 

Mike pulls away from Bill turning back to see the two head into the backyard. 

“W-Where’s Ben?”

“Getting drinks. He’ll be back soon” Mike smiles resting his hand on Bill’s cheek admiring for a moment. 

Time really caught these two....

Stan checks Eddie’s text from Richie’s phone knowing for sure that Richie would over think it and Eddie wouldn’t expect anything because of what happened at New York. But Richie responded and now who knows what Eddie’s thinking. 

“So. What are you expecting?”

“I don’t know Stan”

“Well you have to have some idea” Stan frowns watching Richie pace. “We’re forty and you’re overthinking this like a teenager”

Damn it Stan. 

“I know...FUCK. I know” Richie frowns sitting on the end of the lawn chair Stan was sitting in. 

“Well. What are you planning to do when he gets here?”

“We’re only here for measurements aren’t we?”

“Yeah for the most part-“

“Then I’ll get on the first flight out of here when I’m done.”

“Richie..”

“What? I’m the monster that left him there” Richie frowns. “I left him under that fucking whore house”

“How long are you going to hold this against yourself? From what Bill and Ben have told me-“

“Stan I don’t give any fucks about what they said. I don’t care if they dragged me out of there after saying HES GONE—I DIDNT WANT HIM GONE NOW HES BACK AND IM THE MONSTER” Richie got up in his anger as the emotions started flooding his face with the tears rolling off his cheeks. “I LEFT HIM THERE. HE LIVED. NOW IM GOING TO LIVE FOREVER WITH THE THOUGHT THAT I COULDVE FUCKING DRAGGED HIM OUT OF THERE BUT NO. I. FUCKING. LEFT. HIM. I LEFT THE LOVE OF MY GODDAMN LIFE UNDER NEIBOLT” he thought he was going to collapse right then and there. 

But Stan listened. Took it all. He hasn’t heard Richie confess like that since the end of high school. 

“Richie. He’s alive, and that’s all that should matter”

“He lives in New York with the permanent reminder on his chest while I’m in LA getting high or drunk to numb the pain. He could’ve fully died down there if no one found him. I could’ve lost him. But he’s here. He’s alive. And...that doesn’t make it right” Richie frowns sighing. “God. I really am as emotional as a teenager”

“Well. You were stunted for 27 years” Stan kicked his back watching him shoot back about to smack him. He laughs rolling his eyes. “It’s nice to see you actually be open about shit instead of internalizing it”

“I guess...so, what about you and Bill? Did everything clear up?”

“Yeah. For the most part” Stan looks into the house finding Mike and Bill talking. 

Talking like they haven’t in years....

“WE’RE BACK!” Bev yells happily walking into her home with Patty who was carrying her dress in a garment cover. “Where’s Ben?”

“Perfect timing” Ben smiles holding a scotch setting it on the kitchen counter before happily embracing his bride to be. 

Bev smiles holding onto Ben happily when Richie and Stan join the entire crowd in the house. Patty smiles spotting Stan as she sets down her dress over the couch before going to hug him. 

Mike looks at Bill who was staring at the two as he was about to say something before watching Richie immediately poke Bill in the eye. 

“WHAT THE FUCK”

“Take a picture it’ll last longer” Richie smiles going over to the counter. “Can I open it?”

“If you leave me a glass” Ben states parting from Bev as Richie goes into their cupboard to get glasses. 

As Richie was pouring his phone started ringing which brought attention to him when he checked. 

Eddie?

“Eds- Woah. What?” Richie sets down the scotch frowning as he was listening to Eddie go on about how he got an early flight and just landed. Reasons being Myra getting in the way and anxiety of getting on a plane. “You...want me to come and get you?” He waves for someone’s keys as Bev immediately handed hers. “Yeah. Okay. Shit. I’ll be there in a few” he ends the call face palming before going. 

“Need company?” Mike suggests as Bill and Ben went to either side of Richie. 

“Rich?”

“Earth to Richard?”

Richie sighs taking the keys and heading out without answering any of them. Ben turned to Bev giving her a look as she immediately went out bumping immediately into Rich. 

“Richie I-“ Bev stops to notice the tears forming in Richie’s eyes as he turned away from her. “Hun. Do you want me to go instead?”

“No he asked for me and I’m going alone”

“Richie. Then can you at least take a minute?” Bev frowns. “You know you can still come talk to me like old times”

“He was medication. When we were talking seriously about my feelings...and it didn’t hit me until he asked for me to come and get him. Same time...when he kept asking for me when he was first in the hospital”

“Oh Rich..”

“He doesn’t remember. I bet he doesn’t remember all my feelings. All the words I told him before the wife interrupted us. Hell...Bev I love him”

“I know you do”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Cherish the time you spend with him. Give him the time he needs to finalize current affairs. Then you can shoot your shot again”

“Have you been on twitter recently?”

“Why?”

“Shoot your shot?”

“Ah! Yeah. It’s a great platform to promote my shows” Bev laughs as Richie smiles a bit taking a deep breath. “You could always talk to him, love” 

“I know. God. I know everyone is here for me. But honestly...” Richie looked at the house thinking of everyone. “I’m not the only one that needs someone who can listen” 

Bev smiles hearing that as Richie takes his leave shortly after. 

Driving through an airport loading zone is never easy. Richie was trying to park for fuck sake. Once he did, he made his way to the baggage claim that Eddie told him he’d be in. He heard his heart pounding in his ears when he saw Eddie walking toward him in his bomber. The same one that stopped the bleeding. He’s kept it. Why? He thought he packed it before he left...

Guess Eddie has kept a part of Richie with him. 

“Hey Eddie Spaghetti” Richie walks up to Eddie watching him wrap his arms around him instantly. “Hey..” he brought Eddie close feeling him grip into his back. 

“Sorry for the-“

“No no. It’s fine. I like this” Richie sighs resting his head on top of Eddie’s. 

As the two part walking over to Eddie’s baggage claim waiting for his things. Richie watched Eddie hold himself in his jacket sighing happily. 

“Relieved or something?”

“Yeah, I guess” 

“You guess?”

“Ugh. How the fuck am I supposed to explain it?” Eddie frowns as Richie shrugs. 

“I can decipher gibberish if you want to say what’s wrong like that” Richie jokes thinking Eddie wouldn’t laugh to that but he couldn’t help it. 

“God...I missed you Rich”

“Missed you too Eddie Spaghetti” 

“I wish I lived in LA...closer to..most of...you”

“Then is it bad for me to say I wish I lived in New York. Closer to you” 

Eddie’s heart started pounding as he smiles holding himself tighter. Richie wrapped his arm around him from instinct smiling to himself as they both were internally panicking. 


	16. Frozen Memories [Pt. 1]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don’t know how to explain how I do flashbacks because it can look out of place. But honestly it’s based on wording and what’s in the “——“. It’s clear *at least to me* what’s a memory or not. But if it’s not to y’all, please let me know and I’ll try something else

•Bill Denbrough•

“FINALLY ALL OF YOU ARE HERE” Bev groans early in the morning as she made all of the Losers except Patty because....she’s her favorite and she’s already got her dress. To get up early so that they can finally get fitted for what Bev has made for them. 

“Why are we even awake this early when your studio doesn’t even open till 10?”

“Rich. You forgot the great detail in that sentence” Bev smiles drinking her coffee as Richie looks at Stan and Eddie confused. 

“Richie are you really this stupid?” Stan scoffs catching a laugh from Bill and Mike. 

“It’s her studio dumbass. She gets to do whatever she wants” Eddie rolls his eyes drinking his cup of coffee glancing over at Rich again before looking back at his cup. 

“Anyway! Thanks Eddie, but besides stating that obvious fact to the lovely but oblivious comedian. I want to get measurements in so you guys can finally have your suits SO I CAN FINISH PLANNING WITH PATTY”

“She gets to steal your wife more often huh?” Bill jokes watching Stan nod laughing. 

“But hey. She loves Bev so it’s a win win for them”

“But a lose lose for you?”

“As long as I get to sleep with her in my arms. I could care less” Stan smiles as Bill took a minute to process that. 

——

“You’re so small Bill”

“Shut up Stan”

Stan laughs as he enjoys being the little spoon but would much rather be holding Bill in his arms then being the mama koala with its little one clinging on. 

“What’s going to happen when Eddie is back on his feet?”

“Probably still pine after Richie and vise versa. The two are idiots”

“Love struck idiots”

“True...”

“Like us right?”

“Of course Bill” Stan moves to face Bill before kissing him lovingly as Bill held onto him during it. 

He loves this...

——

“R-Right” Bill smiles before grabbing his coffee and leaving the kitchen for a minute. 

Stan frowns watching him leave and before he could go confront him, Richie had already followed Bill out. He stood there frozen in his thoughts wondering how he was...feeling. 

——

“Clearly you don’t understand”

“Understand what Stan? You’re leaving me. You l-lead me on.”

“Understand that I was married-“

“So was I-“

“I was happy without you—“

Bill frowns feeling the old overwhelming emotion that once took him over during the death of his younger brother. So he left and processed. 

——

“You alright Billiam?”

“Y-Yeah”

“That’s a lie. Clearly”

“How?”

“You don’t stutter as often as you did as a kid. The only time you do so is when you’re feeling a certain way. Now yeah. You can feel like shit and stutter or be nervous and stutter. But don’t make me play the guessing game here”

“Rich. I can’t”

“Now why’s that?”

“Because. This week. Ain’t about me” Bill frowns. 

“LETS GO LOSERS” Bev yells for everyone as she’s first to head out the door. 

——

“Stan the man” Richie cheers entering the Denbrough house spotting Stan with his suitcase. “Dude where the fuck you going?”

“Don’t start Rich. Move” Stan pushes Rich out of the way on his way through the door. 

Richie frowns confused on what the fuck just happened as he goes into Bill’s study finding his friend on the floor propped up against his desk. Bill held a bottle of tequila in his lap as Rich sat down beside him taking the bottle from him realizing it’s been downed half way. 

“What happened Bill?”

“I don’t want to talk about it”

“Come on”

“Richie I-...I don’t want to” Bill frowns feeling his face heat up and his eyes water eventually breaking the dam as he started to ball. 

Richie frowns watching Bill break down like such and he didn’t know what to do besides sit there. He moves closer for Bill to lean against him and continue to let it all out. 

——

•Eddie Kaspbrak•

——

“YOU NEED TO SHUT UP EDDIE”

“YOU CANT TELL ME TO SHUT UP WHEN IM TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW I FEEL”

“I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL”

“NO YOU DONT MYRA”

——

Eddie stood in Bev’s studio with the other losers minus Ben who was back at their home with Patty. He looks around as Bev got some of her best tailors to help her get the measurements and help her boys get into the suits she does have. 

“Well. I’m being pampered” Richie scoffs before laughing a bit. 

“Only the best to prepare for the Benverly wedding”

“Oh my god when did you start reading my tweets?” Richie laughs smiling at Eddie. “Thought the ship names came from my fans”

“I am a fan trashmouth” Eddie smiles back making Richie’s ears blush. He follows Bev who asked for him personally leaving Richie with Stan and Mike. 

“Lovestruck dumbass” Stan states getting a death stare from Richie. “What? Only stating the truth”

——

“Myra. He’s my best friend”

“You say that about that horror writer. Now it’s the comedian that almost got you killed-“

“I SACRIFICED MYSELF TO SAVE FIVE LIVES MYRA”

“WHY DID YOU?! HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN THE THOUGHT THAT YOUR LIFE MATTERS TOO?”

“IF I DIDNT. I WOULDNT BE HERE IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE” 

Myra frowns watching Eddie drop divorce papers on the table. “Eddie...”

“I want the freedom I’ve always wanted. I don’t get that with you reminding me of someone I hated when I was younger. I’ve recovered and I’m walking. Still standing. I don’t need you anymore.” Eddie frowns walking to the door grabbing his suitcase. “I’ll be staying at a hotel. I’ll have the rest of my things packed and in storage by the end of the week”

“Eddie please-“

“No”

——

Eddie stood in front of a mirror without his shirt staring at the giant zipper scar as the tailor takes his measurements. Bev frowns watching his expression go motionless the longer he stares as she stands straight walking over catching his attention. 

“You’re really going to make our suits?”

“Well the main suit no. The design. Yes”

“Isnt...the suit the design?”

“No. I have an idea for interior designs on the suit jackets and a color scheme. Yes it’s asking for a lot but-“

“You deserve the perfect wedding of your dreams. Just don’t make my interior inhalers.”

“Promise” Bev smiles as does Eddie. 

——

Richie. Fuck...dude 

Eddie gasps in a very hallow cavern feeling his chest continue to bleed along with the awful lingering pain. He looked up to what was the exit of the cavern to see more darkness. 

“They....they left me....” Eddie frowns before being enraged. 

“THEY FUCKING LEFT ME” He yells as it echoes. It echoed back....

God why did it have to hit harder when it echoed back.... 

——


	17. Frozen Memories [Pt. 2]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I’m putting it in the beginning instead of the end. Regardless. The frozen memory part one and two are focusing strictly on the main ship Reddie and the past ship Stenbrough. Plus. I’m currently finished with my first year of college, so I’ll have a lot of free time and more/new works will be published. Thanks for reading <3

•Stanley Uris•

——

This hospital is cold...why is it..so fucking cold

Stan opened his eyes slowly looking around and his first thought was

Shit...Does this mean I have to go home...?

He brought himself up wincing to the pain in his arms looking down at the heavy bandages. He slides himself up crossing his legs putting his arms palms up in his lap. 

“Shit...”

“Shit-“

Stan looks up locking eyes with the horror writer who held a latte in one hand and one of his noted up books in the other. He frowns watching Bill drop everything before immediately embracing Stan in his hospital bed. Instead of pushing him off Stan felt overwhelmed and started balling as he returned the hug. 

“Thought you died on me...”

“Thought I did...”

“We did it Stan. W-We got I-It man”

Stan couldn’t help but smile as the tears continued to roll down his cheeks. 

——

Stan put on his suit checking himself out in the mirror as Mike approaches behind him resting a hand on his back. 

“Need something Mikey?”

“How are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just checking up on you Stan, like I used to do”

——

Stan found himself hiding out in the synagogue after the blood oath keeping his hand hidden from anyone who bothers to come in. He flinches when he heard the main doors push open. 

“Stan?” Mike calls out holding a first aid box in his hands. “I saw you run once...you were out of the barrens...thought you’d need a hand..”

“Mike please...just leave”

Mike frowns following the voice. 

“Come on. I have bandages. Let me patch up your hand” Mike says as he stops by the altar. “Well, the blood oath is meant to just...scar? I don’t know. Ben probably knows more about that stuff than I do” 

“Mike...I’m not asking again”

“Stan” Mike frowns finding Stan under the podium. 

“Leave me alone...”

“No”

“why...”

“Because. I’ve been alone for too long and I know the feeling. So I’m not going to let you be alone. Now come on” Mike sat down in front of him taking out everything he’d need. “Let me help patch up your hand”

——

“Is it bad that I’m anxious for this wedding?”

“You’re not the one getting married Stan”

“No I understand that Mike. Just...” Stan frowns turning to Mike expecting him to know but Richie and Bev were the only ones to know about what happened between him and Bill. “I’m afraid Bill will hate me for the rest of my life for what I did. By picking Patty”

“....Then. Bill is an idiot”

“What?”

“The thing the losers don’t understand, is that what happened in Derry changed us in more ways than the obvious ones. We honest to god thought you and Eddie died on us. I thought IT was going to kill me by myself if none of you showed. Because honestly, if one of you called me saying it was back, I wouldn’t have come.”

“Mike...?”

Mike frowns resting both of his hands on Stan’s shoulders looking him dead in the eye. 

“I’ve spent twenty seven years in Derry. Living the hell every day. I never got a day of rest until it was all over. The selfish person in me? Praised that I didn’t die. Even if I mourned over the fact that my friends were “dead”. I killed myself in Derry and I’m finally fucking free. I didn’t have anything to go back to. I didn’t have the should I leave this ex or should I stay. Yeah I heard that Patty didn’t stay to begin with. But, she’s your wife. Till death do us part. I’m not the most religious man, or the best to come for relationship advice. But you had a history. A positive one. Before IT returned. You did what you thought was right and no one can judge you. Bill might. But that’s because there was more to come back to and alter”

“Mike, you know you can talk to any of us about what happened when you lived there. Those 27 years must’ve been awful for you”

“Stan. The story isn’t about me. A little bit is. But not all seven parts” Mike retracts himself from Stan before going to Bev to see if the tux seemed fit. 

——

[Frozen Memory - Mike Hanlon] 

“So, you’re still going to be working with me while going to college here? Isn’t there more to this cruel world then routine Mike?” His grandpa questions him as Mike shrugs loading up the deliveries in his bike. “Don’t you want to find the one out there?”

“What one?”

“The one that’s going to make your world whole”

“Grandpa, I found them and they left me here” Mike frowns getting on his bike and heading out for the deliveries. 

——

•Richie Tozier•

Richie walks into Eddie’s changing room finding the scar resting on his chest in the mirror. He didn’t seem to be leaving and Eddie saw him in the corner of his eye making him straighten up a bit. 

“Need something Trashmouth?”

“Uh” Richie felt his heart racing as he immediately turned away. “Sorry dude”

“It’s whatever Rich. Did you need somewhere to change or something?” Eddie asks as he puts back on one of his polos.

“No. I uh. Wow. I don’t fucking know” Richie panics and leaves the room as fast as he could. 

Eddie frowns grabbing his coat quickly putting it on before heading out to follow him. 

——

You left him

He died

You could’ve saved him

He could’ve fucking lived 

Richie...why must you make all these mistakes?

Maybe your future has a noose clearly in it

You can’t live like this forever

“Richard?”

Richie snaps out of his thoughts looking at his therapist tilt her head curiously. 

“What?”

“Were you thinking about it again?”

“What exactly ma’am? I have a lot of shit floating around in my head”

“Eddie”

“More specific....?”

“The fact that he died in your arms and then was alive”

His therapist believes bits and pieces of the events of Pennywise. But to make it more logical in her mind. Eddie was impaled by structure and Richie did his best to keep him alive. Until he died for a period of time. Then suddenly came back. The report on tv in New York wasn’t broadcasted everywhere. But she was shown it by Richie since it’s a trigger. 

“Rich. The body is a strange changing thing”

“Okay that sounds like a puberty ad”

“Rich. I know you’re a comedian. But be serious with me”

“Okay...sorry”

“The human body can reconstruct itself. For the better in most cases. Eddie for example. He’s healthy. He’s alive. Why torture yourself over it all?”

“Because it’s my fault”

“But it wasn’t”

“It was”

“So tell me about it”

“He saved me, when he shouldn’t have. I could’ve made it without him getting hurt in the process. Or who knows...the building collapsed” 

The building collapsed. 

He was impaled by a support beam. 

I wish you could believe me...

Watching my best friend be impaled by a demonic being. Feeling his blood splatter on my person. Feeling his heart beat as I press my jacket against his chest. Watching the life leave his eyes. How the fuck did it come back? Why play a sick game with my heart, my emotions, and my mentality. I came home to Derry, with a Suicide note. Expecting to leave without baggage or to die there. Instead. I left with four idiots I call my family. I walk into a chapel expecting to pay my condolences to an empty casket. But instead, I see a news report. Saying a fucking man crawled out from under a collapsed building. Finding out it’s Eddie. My second chance. A second chance I could’ve lost if I took the gun form under my bed...

And said goodbye. 

——

Richie bumped into a few of Bev’s colleagues who were happy to help her losers. He ran into the bathroom and locked himself in there throwing up his feelings. Eddie frowns knocking and not getting an answer, Stan and Mike ran over. 

“Rich” Stan calls knocking as Eddie frowns retracting himself from the door feeling his chest tighten. 

Mike frowns watching Eddie panic before leaving. He quickly follows Eddie taking care of him as Stan does the best he can to get Richie out. 

“Come on Rich. What’s wrong?”

Richie sat on the bathroom floor holding his mouth as he started hyperventilating. 

“Fuck...fuck...” He kept repeating eventually moving his hands to the back of his head bringing it down in between his legs. “Stop...stop please...he’s alive. He’s fine. He’s here....”

Stan frowns leaving to see if Bev has any way of getting in. 

“Eddie. Breathe” Mike grabs Eddie’s shoulders watching the panic in his eyes grow more into the physical representation. “Where’s your inhaler? Come on” 

“I uh it’s-“

“Here” Bill joins the two handing Eddie his inhaler as Mike let’s go of him watching him take it in. 

“How’d you-“

“Losers aren’t known for being quiet. Besides. It uh h-had to be in the room Eddie changed in” Bill states as Mike sighs with relief that he’s a few steps ahead of the game. 

Eddie slide against the wall sitting for a moment as he places his hand on his chest. Mike and Bill knelt down to Eddie to make sure he’s okay when Stan ran by with keys. Eddie watches before quickly getting up making the two panic since he just had some sort of anxiety attack and all they wanted to do was make sure he’s okay. But he had other things on the mind. 

Stan opens the door and closed it behind him. He pressed his back against the door after locking it. 

“They can’t get in. I have the keys. So uh. Tell me”

“No”

“Wow. The first time you won’t tell me what’s wrong”

“Nothings wrong”

“Then...why is Eddie freaking out? He just had some sort of anxiety attack. What did you do?”

“I did nothing Stan!” Richie yells startling the others listening from outside the bathroom. “I did. Fucking. Nothing.”

Stan frowns sliding against the door looking at Richie as he fixes himself to sit with his legs crossed. He took off his glasses while taking out his phone and shining his flashlight through the lens to show the terrible silicone glue job. Stan took his phone and glasses seeing it before thinking the obvious from what Bill told him. 

“They broke while down there...why didn’t you just get a new pair”

“I thought he was dead Stan.”

“These pair aren’t going to be the last memory. You reclaimed his belongings”

“Myra took those. Except a jacket”

Stan frowns turning off the flashlight handing him his phone back before popping the lens out. 

“Woah hey”

“No. Quiet” Stan expressed. “Now as much as I don’t want to talk in here like when we were kids. But if you need a minute. Before you explain yourself more. Then take a minute”

——

Stan jolts awake to the sound of pebbles hitting the window. He got up angrily looking out the window finding a shaking Richie. 

“Shit...” he unlocks his window before opening it and gesturing Rich to climb up. 

Stan walks into the bathroom turning on the life before pushing the stepping stool over to reach the cabinet to grab the first aid kit off from on top of it. Richie places himself on Stan’s bed as he walks back into his room setting down the first aid kit beside him. 

“When did Bowers do this?”

“Not long ago...”

“Jesus. What now?”

“....”

“Rich?”

“Sorry...I uh” Richie takes his glasses off so Stan can start helping. “I kissed his cousin...”

Stan stops cleaning up the blood giving Richie a worried look. He sets everything down taking one of Richie’s hands into his feeling him squeeze. 

“Why?”

“I thought he liked me”

“Are you...gay?”

“...Don’t tell anybody”

“I’m not going to out you if you’re thinking that”

“I-I-I k-know....I’m just....it sucks”

“Why?”

“...Connor didn’t..have my back and I...kinda did it after seeing...Uh...shit never mind”

“Richie just say it”

“...after seeing Eddie with that girl...from..bio”

Stan frowns connecting the dots as he immediately brought Richie into his arms. Taking a minute. 

Wait

Breathe

Take a minute...

It’s hard...

For few

——

“Can’t you just say your feelings and that be that? What his reaction would be, is his reaction”

“He won’t feel the same way” 

Eddie looks at Mike and Bill with tears forming in his eyes as he retracts himself from the door leaving there. Mike was about to interfere when Bill stopped him as they both found Bev taking Eddie alone somewhere. 

——

[Frozen Memory - Beverly Marsh]

“EDDIE—!” Bev yells smiling as she spotted the asthmatic hiding under the bridge. Strange for the semi germaphobe. 

Eddie frowns locking eyes with the fiery redhead as she finally made it to where he sat. Bev tilts her head confused on the upset expression. 

“What’s wrong babe?”

“I don’t know”

“Wow. I hate it when that happens” Bev sat beside him as Eddie looks at her confused.

“What...?”

“Being upset for no reason, I hate that” She took out her pack of cigarettes offering to Eddie as he shook his head. “Suit yourself”

Eddie watches Bev light the cig pressing the end against her lips inhaling before sighing with the puff of smoke. He frowns taking the pack into his hands. 

“You know these things kill you right?”

“Knowing my luck, I think a killer clown would before that” Bev crosses one of her legs over the other resting her elbow on her knee. She sighs resting her head in her hand. “Strange how we survived that”

“Very...” 

“So, are you gonna spill? Or do you need a minute?”

“Can we just...sit a while”

“Yeah, of course” Bev smiles reassuring her friend feeling Eddie rest his head against her back as he held himself. 

“We’ll be friends after high school right?”

“Yeah, I need my Kaspbrak to always have my back” Bev smiles making Eddie laugh to the play of words. “Why you ask?”

“Bill, Stan...They have big plans after high school...I don’t...want to think about it”

“But we’re juniors. Gonna have to”

“I know...fuck I know”

“Is this just about them or...?”

“Mike’s staying. He’s gotta be the biggest idiot I know”

“Thought that was Richie”

“....he’s leaving right after graduation”

“Yeah?”

“He doesn’t want to stay in this shithole town for another minute. How...how am I?....fuck”

“How are you supposed...?”

“To tell him how I feel” 

Bev puts out her cig straightening up making Eddie sit up looking at her. 

“I thought you were dating that Gina girl”

“We broke up”

“Over?”

“My feelings....for someone else”

“Richie?”

Eddie nods feel embarrassed. Bev wraps her arm around his shoulders making him look at her. 

“Don’t hold back when you tell him how you feel, love”

——

Don’t hold back


	18. The Noose Around My Neck [Pt. 1]

Eddie looks at Bev with worry of the outcome as she rests a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He got up from the futon as Bev happily waits watching Mike and Bill pass Eddie on his way out. The two look at the devilish smile on her face before sitting with her and questioning everything. 

“Stan. Get the fuck out” Eddie snaps knocking on the bathroom door as Stan happily opens it letting him in before leaving. 

Stan walks into the other room sitting on the other side of Bill. Bill looks down at his lap before taking one of his hands into his. The two exchanged a smile as the waiting begun. 

But they were going to wait a while...

Eddie leaned up against the door as Richie rests against the counter locking eyes with the man he’s been in love with since they were kids. Eddie walks over to Richie and his first instinct was to rest his hands on his face feeling him ease. 

“Tell me...”

“Well...what can you remember?”

Eddie retracts his hands putting them in his pockets as he gave Richie a confused expression not exactly to what he asked but how can he phrase it. 

“You love me”

“With all my heart”

“...Rich”

“Eddie, I get it if you don’t want to return the feelings. But. I feel like all the events that haven’t happened ever since you crawled out, were my fault.”

“Richie, everything can’t be your fault. It wasn’t anyway”

“You were stuck under Neibolt. For weeks to months. Alive? How is that even possible?”

“Fate?”

“Pennywise the killer fucking clown, only wanted us dead. I don’t see how fate ties into this...”

“So very negative Trashmouth” Eddie brought himself onto the counter looking at Richie who brought himself more in front of Eds. “Remember how Stan explained how he’s alive? Well. It’s extremely different. But the part about his wrists”

“They healed.”

“Now imagine a car being jump started”

Richie grows a tad more confused on the car reference as he looks over at Eddie taking his jacket off along with his shirt making Rich see the scar. But the memory. The vivid memory. He felt his face burn when the tears grew in his eyes. 

“My heart jump started” Eddie took Richie’s hand pressing it against his scar feeling the texture of the scar tissue. He gently presses making Eddie flinch slightly. 

“I’m sorry”

“It’s fine” 

“...Eds I...I left you down there”

“Rich. It’s not your fault”

“It is my fault.”

“Shut up”

“Make me Eddie-“ 

So he did. Eddie grabbed his collar pulling him in and kissing Richie passionately feeling the comedian wrap his arms around his waist. He felt himself be pulled a bit off the counter and being held up by Richie. Who would’ve thought he’d have that kind of strength? Eddie is certainly enjoying the kissing turning into a make out session when they were trying to have a conversation. But deep down, he waited forever for this...and the feeling is mutual. 

“You think they’re alright?” Bev asks as Stan and Bill shrug for the most part. “You two are useless”

“Bev, they are probably talking. Talking about everything.”

“Mike don’t lie to me, or sugarcoat shit”

“Okay, for the most part they tried to be serious then they did something stupid”

“Now that’s more accurate” Stan adds making Bill laugh a tad. He smiles to himself missing an old thing. 

“Well, while they probably fuck in that bathroom if I’m being honest, I’m going to get the measurements form the tailors and get your suits in process” Bev got up going to her office to make a few calls and send out the emails when Stan got up to go see if he can eavesdrop on the two. 

Mike looks over at Bill watching his trailing eyes scan everything around the two. He frowns looking at Mike who he finally noticed him staring. 

“You alright?”

“Dandy”

“This has been very....Reddie centric huh?”

“Their love lives is a lot more interesting than mine”

“Oh?”

“It’s nonexistent”

“What about the girl you dated in high school? After the fog, I’ve been remembering a lot of the...”little things” I guess”

“My Love life is a little thing in your head?” Mike smiles making Bill feel the anxiety build in his chest but the physical aspect was the tint growing on his cheeks. “And no. She was nonexistent. Only said it so Rich would shut up about it”

“So you’ve been single this entire time without any of us noticing?” 

“You noticed. Or you wouldn’t have mentioned it” 

Bill laughs a bit rubbing the back of his neck as Mike straightens himself a bit. Before taking the chance and resting his hand on top of Bill’s when he set his down on the loveseat. 

Loving is easy. 

But god can it be fucked up quickly. 

The moment went by and Mike retracts himself making Bill frown before seeing his attention go toward Richie exiting the bathroom first. Mike started heading over when Richie started leaving. Bill on the other hand went straight for Eddie. 

——

Eddie pushes Richie off carefully resting his hands on his face feeling him be rested on the counter. He frowns watching the tears fall down Richie’s face. 

“You told me you loved me”

“...I...yeah”

“When you thought I wouldn’t remember” 

“Yeah...I told you I loved you...then and when I thought you were dead”

“Rich-“

“Why’d you stay with her...after she yelled at me and even longer after that....”

“I needed to collect myself before I could make a life changing decision”

“For her or yourself”

“Both of us”

“Eddie...I’ve waited forever to have you, I love you. I’ve loved you since we were young. I’ll never forget any moment I had with you after the fog. I love you. But I’m so fucking afraid”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid to lose you again...” He parts from Eddie feeling him take his hands but the urge to pull away became an action. “I don’t know what I need from you to get rid of that feeling...but for the love of god. I love you. I love you. You’re alive. You’re here. This isn’t a dream. This is real life and I’m still afraid when I don’t have to be.” 

——

Richie sat on the curb of the studio waiting for an Uber as Mike sat down beside him. Richie gave him a look thinking Mike was going to ask what happened, but he was more understanding the most. He sat in the silence, and went back to the Benverly residence with Richie. 

He can’t be alone, especially Eddie. 

Except he had Bill to be the listening ear. To everything. 

Fear still had a hold of the wheel...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time writing this chapter because I kept losing the idea. Then it hit me.


	19. The Noose Around My Neck [Pt. 2]

“I’m leaving”

“What?”

“I’m...going home”

“Well I can go back with you-“

“No. Not LA” 

When everyone came back that night, Bill was talking with Richie in the spare bedroom. Richie was going on about how he needed space to think, but he couldn’t do that in LA when Bill is around and everyone can drop in. He needed his mom. Someone who would listen and advise without judgement. And he knew none of them wanted to go back to that hell hole. But...deep down he needed closure of some sorts. 

“Bill can you give us a minute?” Eddie asks as he enters the bedroom. Bill nods before leaving the two closing the door behind him. “You’re packing...”

“I’m going home”

“Back to LA? Why?”

“Not LA, Derry”

“Uh...why that hell hole?”

“I’m going to see the only saint in this fucking world”

“Your mother? She’s still-“

“Yeah my old hag is still alive and I’m going to spend time with her. I already got my measurements taken care of and crap. Bev understands”

“Who knew before me?”

“Why does that matter? But if you really want an answer, then it’s just Bill and Bev. Now you. Make that three” Richie zips up his suitcase and before he set it down to roll it out of the room. He went over to Eddie grabbing his face about to do something, but a feeling made him stop. 

Eddie frowns wishing he didn’t leave. He wanted to spend time with him. The fog is finally gone. But the fear is still there. Richie immediately brought him into his arms for a moment feeling Eddie hold onto him. 

“Bill would...honestly be the first to know when I’m back in LA. So bug him” he parts from Eddie grabbing his bag and heading out not saying another word to anyone else. 

——

“Haven’t heard from Richie in a while” Eddie frowns checking his texts and phone calls as it’s been a month. 

Eddie currently stood in Bill’s driveway, with Bev by his side watching Mike and Ben carry a dresser into the house. 

“He texted me a week ago”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“Well, I didn’t think of it. I’m planning a wedding Eddie. Take that into consideration” 

“Yeah yeah okay, I’m sorry” Eddie frowns feeling Bev pat his back before handing him her phone seeing the only text Richie sent her. 

Richie: Hey, I won’t miss the wedding. Whenever that’ll be. I’m going to be here a little longer. 

“Well..”

“Yeah. There’s not really much telling what’s going on up there. But that’s it.” Bev states watching the three boys run out of the house startling the two in the driveway. “Man. What the fuck happened there?”

“There’s a fucking possum! IN BILL’S ATTIC” Ben yells as Stan instantly went behind Eddie and Bev not talking about the fear he had seeing the giant rodent in his attic. 

“I can’t believe how close it got” Mike adds joining the four as Eddie and Bev share an exchange. 

“Did you leave Bill?”

“Oh my god. He tried to grab it. It jumped. I ran out and next thing you know. Mike and Ben followed me out” Stan states watching all the blank looks from all of them making him sigh. “Bill could be dead”

“Okay—I don’t think a possum can kill Bill. Probably bite him but not kill him” Eddie states before leaving them in the driveway rolling his sleeves up going to help Bill in the attic. 

Eddie climbs up the ladder finding Bill holding his hand while sitting on a box. His hand was bleeding, he got bitten by the damn thing. 

“You’re going to need to go to the hospital”

“I’m f-fine”

“Bill, rabies”

“Okay...B-But I’m sitting on it”

Bill shook a bit as Eddie rolled his sleeves up before climbing into the attic making him get off the box. Bill ran toward the ladder as Eddie instantly placed a few old college textbooks on the box to keep it trapped. 

“Okay, get down. It’ll eventually get out but we are going to call a fucking guy with balls to get it” Eddie states helping Bill get out of there before closing the ladder to the attic leaving the damn thing up there. 

Bev perks up when Eddie stepped out with Bill holding a dish towel on his hand. 

“Oh my god” Bev smacked Mike in the chest catching a confused look. “You let the damn thing bite Bill!” she frowns before smacking Ben’s arm to get the keys to the rental from him but they all were going to go to the ER together. 

A few hours later...

An ER really does take hours to eventually get to a patient. It’s LA. There’s quite a number of dumbasses that need their undivided attention. But then again. Bill got bitten by a possum. He’s one of the dumbasses. 

“You are a big baby”

“Shut up”

“It was just a shot”

“Eddie. I will kick your ass in this ER” Bill snaps as Eddie rolls his eyes sitting on the end of the ER bed. 

“Please don’t kick his ass. He’s been through enough...” Mike frowns as Bill gives him a look. “What??”

“You left me to a possum. You wouldn’t leave me to the eater of worlds. But you left me to a possum”

“Okay I’m sorry. But we killed a god. We don’t have to suffer his shit anymore. Possums come out of fucking who knows where! They’re still around!” Mike states. “Just like raccoons!”

“....why are we comparing Pennywise to a fucking possum in an ER?” Stan asks as he comes back with water from the vending machine for Bill as they were simply waiting for him to get his stitches. He got a rabies shot but then the nurse had to get an ER doctor to do his stitches. 

“Possums are scary. But I wouldn’t have left Bill to get bitten by one” Eddie gave Mike a glare before seeing Bev come back with her phone handing it to Eddie. “What?”

“It’s Richie. You know more about what happened. So tell him” Bev states as Eddie instantly took her phone getting up to go talk to Richie. 

“Okay who’s ready for stitches?” An ER doctor states walking over to them as Bill groans using his free hand to take Mike’s. 

“You’re not giving birth Bill”

“I hate stitches”

“Uh. Okay?” 

Bev rolls her eyes removing Mike’s hand from Bill’s before taking it. Stan watches the doc set up the suture kit as he starts to get an unsettling feeling. 

“Okay I can’t be in here” Stan states heading out as Ben removes himself from the wall following his friend to check on him. 

“Hey Rich”

“Yo, so what happened to our Billy boy? All I heard was a possum was involved” Richie laughs on the other line as he watches his mother’s cat jumps on the table. “Swear to god. If I was there I’d probably try and befriend it”

“Hm. Then we’d be in the ER because of your dumbass”

“Sounds about right. So, he got bitten?”

“Yeah. Fucking. Mike and Bill were talking about Pennywise and Possums”

“Like a verses kinda deal?”

“Sort of”

“Well. Fucking possums dude. We killed that fucking clown. Don’t got to deal with that dumbass anymore. Possums don’t just get erased out of existence” Richie laughs a bit as the cat jumps into his lap instantly indicating that it wants pets. “So...how are you?”

“Me?” Eddie stood in a hallway in the ER surprised this is changing to him now. After time apart. “Uh. Well. I moved. Into my own place in New York”

“Wow. That’s a big step. Well divorce was, but you get what I mean” Richie states with a smile as he watches Maggie come out with a box from his childhood. 

“Can you decipher this for good will and what you want to keep, for me?”

“Yeah mom. Of course” 

“Tell her I said Hi, Richie”

“Yo Ma! Eddie says hi!” Richie yells as Maggie wasn’t far from him, she laughs from the outdoor frame. 

“Eddie Kaspbrak? God is he still as lovely as he was as a kid?”

“He’s always been lovely mom” Richie said that on purpose over the phone as Eddie felt his face heat up from that. 

“Hm. Tell him we have to meet before I kick the bucket” Maggie smiles going back inside. 

“That was a bit dark ma! But yeah. She wants to see you soon Eds”

“I’d love to see you mom. She was a saint to us when we were kids”

“Yeah cuz she put up with our bullshit” Richie laughs catching a laugh from Eddie which made his smile last longer. 

Meanwhile, Ben walks into the hospital chapel confused on why he’d find Stan in here. But he did. Guess it’s the place with the less commotion. It was quite the walk though. 

“Hey-“

“Shush”

“Oh okay” Ben respected the silence before seeing Stan turn around looking at him. 

“Uh. I kinda wish Patty was here”

“Yeah?” Ben frowns sitting beside him in the pew. “Why?”

“She calms me, when I’m thinking about it. Being in a hospital ain’t that great” Stan frowns as Ben didn’t really want to bring up the fact that Patty wasn’t there for him that much when he was committed. 

But she was there when it happened and committing him in the first place...

Ben hasn’t really thought about all the hardships everyone’s been through for a while. Planning for a wedding kind of blind sides it for the most part. He took a minute before taking one of Stan’s hands into his respectful keeping the silence as Stan takes in a deep breath squeezing his hand. 

“I don’t mean for this to sound so off putting...But I can barely remember when all this shit started” Ben frowns as Stan pats the top of his hand. 

“Guess the mind truly wants us to remember only the good in life huh?”

“Yeah...hell I’m getting married” Ben smiles as Stan returns it happily. 

“Can’t believe we made it this far”

“Yeah, me too...”


	20. The Noose Around My Neck [Pt. 3]

Richie ends the call with Eddie before going through the box that was placed in front of him. He found his old pair of glasses, the big fucking framed ones. A few tokens that he never used at the arcade. Comics of course, usually the ones he wouldn’t leave at the clubhouse. A couple of action figures especially Thundercats which definitely bring up a few old conversations he had with Stan or Bill about his crush on the main dude Lion-O. He put the things he took out back in the box but found a black journal at the bottom of it. 

“Shit. What did teen—-wait” Richie stops his out loud thought reading the time stamps where the journal entry started the day he left Derry. 

So, Mom said this would make me feel better about my friends leaving. Here we go. Um. Watching my friends leave one by one is kinda really hard to handle. I won’t say I was the last to go since Mike is going to state school. Fucking. He’s got some balls to stay in this hell hole. But besides the point. I got into a really good school in LA and maybe I’ll become what I want to be. But if shit happens. Shit happens. Stan wants to do some shit with birds so he’s going to somewhere in Georgia. Like I said. If Mike wants to end up in Florida. Georgia is very close, Stan is gonna hang with Mike and all the old people until they become said old people. On the other hand Bill said he’ll also be in California but damn I didn’t pay attention when he told me what college. For sure know it’s not where I’m at cuz everyone be going somewhere different. Ben is ending up in Massachusetts my dude. A nerd for building is going to MIT? MIT mit mit. Weird sounding. But it’s a good school. No shit Richie. You’re going to community in fucking LA when you could’ve gotten to go to anywhere but NO! Too anxious to go to a what? Ivy League? Whatever. Beverly is a fashion nerd. Nerd. Hm. Yeah so she’s heading to New York but plans to switch somewhere else. The girl is going to do great things my guy. Then there’s Eddie....man. So I wrote this in the order my losers left, and uh yeah. It was hard saying goodbye to Eddie when all I wanted to do was tell him how I felt. You can’t tell Eddie this journal. AND MOM IF YOU FIND THIS AND READ THIS BECAUSE ILL DEF LEAVE THIS ONE TIME FROM VISITING. Or mail it because I wouldn’t need it anymore. Anyway...Yeah this is the first entry. I love my Losers and...they made me a better Trashmouth. But damn. When will I see them again? I don’t know. My funeral? I am going to Los Angeles. Lots of drugs float around. 

Richie laughs at himself flipping through the pages and finding another one that brought a very unsettling feeling. 

Yo. Just turned 27 and I got a gig to say my comedy skit and y’all! I’m so happy! Yeah I’m in Chicago and I had a really bad start but that’s okay! If the comedy game don’t go right? I’ll become one of those late night radio DJs. Playing Toto and Queen on loop. Man. Someone in my past hated my obsession with Queen but who doesn’t love Queen! Shit...who was it? I remember Uh Love of My Life triggered me a bit because it made me think of this dude. But I can’t yknow. Put the song to the face and the face to the name. The thing I’m trying to remember. ANYWAY! 

And that’s how it ended. Richie frowns thinking about that song and instantly connecting a dot with the other. 

“Fuck...fuck that arcade man...” Richie frowns closing the journal setting it down for a moment. “Fucking Bowers...and...FUCK KASPBRAK”

“Fuck Kaspbrak?” 

Richie flinches looking up to his old man Wentworth still enjoying the suspender look. He walks over to his son grabbing the journal after resting his cane against the table. 

“Dad-“

“Shut up. Your mom and I read this all the time”

“The fuck?!”

“Watch it” Went snaps with his fingers before flipping through and finding the lyrics to the queen song written for an entry. “Hm. Always thought this was toward a girl. Is this toward Kaspbrak? The Eddie boy?”

“Eddie, dad.”

“Oh shut up” Wentworth sat down across his son as Richie moved the box to the floor to see his dad’s expression when reading through. “Do you remember when you first told us you moved to Chicago?”

“Yeah. Vaguely. But yeah”

“You told us about this guy you met in California, and that he was the only reason you didn’t want to leave. But it was for the sake of “expanding your horizons””

“Uhhh yeah okay. What are you getting at?”

“You may not be a writer buddy but you described your friend Denbrough here” Went showed him the entry he’s referring to. Richie read through it realizing he was. 

Richie has a few entries where he described the people he saw and or met. He states not fully meeting Bill but it was the nice gesture of “you’ll make it big” that came form his mouth before moving out of LA for the time being. 

The guy in the coffee shop was too nice to let me sit with him at the table he claimed. Just wanted to like take the chair but he said it was okay for me to sit there. He heard me complain about my line up when don’t get me wrong, I think some of my work is shit. But he laughed! He liked some of it! Said I should tone down the straight jokes. Yeah there was one too many. Anyway, he said that I’ll make it big. And I think about that often. Thanks coffee shop guy! I liked the short story you let me read. The ending sucked though. 

“Damn. How can I be so blind?”

“I mean. You want the physical explanation?”

“Really old man?”

“Hey you’re the old man boy”

“Mhm. Mhm. Sure”

“At least I have more hair on my head, sport” Wentworth laughs as Richie was about to toss the book at his dad’s head but that was funny. “But damn. You had a lot of experiences that you wrote down in that. Then when you turned...30 you mailed it to us. So we read it. We worried but didn’t want to be too concerned or you’d live with us”

“Wow dad. Think I’d hit rock bottom if I contacted you?”

“Well Richie, your second family was your friends. Hearing that you weren’t going to be together after high school. It was a big step. Had to make new friends. Meet new people. Settle down if you wanted to. Who knows. I met your mom in college and I was set for life. But then you came around and that was a bullet not dodged—“ Went laughs. “I’m kidding. But yknow. You strayed away from us. So of course I thought you’d come to us if you really need us and if living with us would help. Then okay? But we’d make you pay rent that’s for sure”

“Dad I’ve been here for a month. Were you really considering asking me to pay for rent?”

“No, it’s a joke Rich. Goddamn” Wentworth rolls his eyes. “We knew that we’d be your last option if you truly needed us. Reading the entries out of LA were concerning because they were very self deprecating. But you powered through and you’re visiting on terms where you needed air from the confusing shit of life. Yeah we moved to Portland, Maine while you were out in the world. But it’s a nice spot to look out at the ocean and think. Think hard.”

“Were you surprised when I came out to y’all?”

“No”

“Huh?”

“Well you’re gay. You’re our son. Okay? We are going to love you even if you turned into an werewolf. Now don’t tell your mom. I hate the twilight movies she made me watch. Anyway” Went got up for a moment taking his cane and Richie stood up when he did. 

Wentworth walked over to his son grabbing his shoulder. 

“We’ve always had the suspicion that you liked the Kaspbrak boy. You just confirmed us when you came to visit and told us when you came out” He smiles before letting go of his shoulder. “I’ll say this though bud”

“Yeah?”

“If he got a divorce, found himself, and confessed his love to you...when you loved him all this damn time?”

Richie looked at his father confused for the moment before seeing Went smile. 

“Don’t let him get away, now come on! Gotta help mom send stuff to good will before you head back to Cali” 

All that time. They loved him no matter what. But Richie also knew

Not to lose this shot. 


	21. R+E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don’t know, there are lyrics in this chapter and the song is Wait by Go Set Go

Ben and Bev’s wedding finally arrived! Well—The party first!

Stan the Man was Ben’s best man and Eddie was the blushing maid of honor. So the two planned the party together since it was a Losers Club party plus Patty. But hey, she’s one of the losers too. Richie also came home or well to Nebraska a week before the party was set in stone. All the losers arrived the same week Richie did. But they all got hotels since Ben’s family was staying at their place. 

“So the bride is hiding out in my room. Away from the Hanscom family” Richie laughs sitting with Patty in the lobby waiting for the others to join them. 

“His family loves her don’t they?”

“Of course! But yknow. Mama Hanscom can be consuming a bit”

Patty laughs a bit. “My mother loves Stanley and since his mother wasn’t around she danced with him. Y’know the mother of the groom dances with the groom? By any chance do you know who’s dancing with the bride?”

“All Bev told me. Was I’d know at the reception.”

“Hm. Interesting” Patty smiles before lighting up instantly indicating that Stan is approaching the two. Along with him Mike and Bill. 

“Eddie is grabbing Bev and Ben, then we can go” Stan smiles stealing a kiss from Patty before sitting beside her. 

Eddie stood outside of Richie’s room waiting for Beverly after texting her that it’s time to go. Ben had stumbled out before her which gave off the immediate impression that they did shit in Richie’s hotel room. Richie’s. Hotel. Room. 

“How are you going to explain this to Trashmouth?”

“You saw nothing...” Ben laughs a bit fixing his shirt. “Besides...it’s still early enough for house keeping to sweep through. Just uh. Left a tip for what happened”

“How the fuck are we going to explain to Rich that we broke the lamp—“ Bev shuts herself up staring at Eddie who gave the two a disgusted look before laughing it off. 

“Have fun explaining that to Rich” Eddie states getting a head start to the elevator as Bev smacked Ben’s shoulder for not warning her that he was waiting for them. 

Now this party was somewhat like the reunion from back at the Jade of Orient. Only difference is they’re alive and no longer in debt to the cosmic turtle in the sky for giving them IT. This may be in celebration to Ben and Bev but they told their honorables that they didn’t want to make their small party of eight a big fuss. They wanted to have a meal and drinks with their friends/immediate family. They’ve been through enough hell and want to enjoy every minute of life with their friends. 

The Losers Club are family. That’ll never change. 

On the way into the restaurant, Eddie felt someone pull him back and he knew it was Rich since he didn’t pass him. He straightened up as Richie felt an old weight on his chest return looking at Eddie for a moment. Not finding the exact words. Eddie stepped closer to Richie feeling him instantly place his arms around the shorter one’s waist keeping him there. 

“I’m sorry”

“Why are you apologizing? What for this time?”

“...”

“Richie...I’m alive” Eddie states resting his hands on his face. “I’m alive. We’re alive. There’s no more fucking clown to tear us apart. There’s nothing standing in our way”

“I know...god I know” Richie says resting his forehead against Eddie’s feeling his hands remove from his face soon his arms were around his neck afterward. 

Wait

Wait for the dawn my dear

Wait till the sun gets here...

“Are you ready?”

“I’m nervous”

“He’s the love of your life. The man that showed you every good thing in life to make it worth living.”

“Jesus Eddie. I hate you” Bev laughs feeling tears form in the corner of her eyes as Eddie takes the handkerchief out of his pocket carefully wiping away the tears. “Fuck. Life saver”

And you will wait too long he will be gone...

Eddie locks arms with the bride as the doors open indicating those in the pews to stand the music to start playing. He adjusts his tux making Bev smile locking eyes with her soon to be husband on the other side of the aisle. Ben immediately started crying as she walks down the aisle. Stan smiles resting a reassuring hand on the man’s shoulder feeling him grab it squeezing it tightly. 

Wait

Wait till the sun shines through 

Wait till the sky is blue 

Eddie handed off Beverly before getting into his maid of honor spot looking in the front row on her side. Locking eyes with Richie getting a smirk from the six foot man. 

“God...Can I just say I do right now?” Ben laughs making Bev smile even more as she wipes away his tears. 

“Trust me...if it weren’t for your wonderful family taking the time out of their day to be here...I would’ve married you at Vegas” Bev laughs along with Ben and those who heard joined in. 

Richie listens to the priest go on and on about the meaning of marriage and love grows in million different ways....got the man thinking. 

——

And you will wait too long he will be gone

Richie stood at the edge of the cliff looking down at the water seeing his other losers enjoying themselves. His heard his heart pounding in his ears as he stares down at the water. 

“Gonna jump or keep staring?”

“I’m gonna lose my glasses on the way down”

“I’ll make sure we get them if they do end up flying off your face” Eddie laughs walking over to the edge looking down before at Richie. “We’ve done this before. It’s not dangerous”

“I know! Just. Anxious I guess...” Richie frowns before feeling Eddie take his hands into his. 

“Come on trashmouth. Take a leap of faith” Eddie smiles. “We’ll go together.”

“Shit. Eddie Spahgetti holding my hand. Have a little crush on lil ol me?” Richie teases as Eddie looks away blushing letting go of his hand to cross his arms. “Ok ok. Sorry Eds”

“That’s not my name...”

“Okay—Edward”

“CHARD”

“OKAY!! Eddie!” Richie laughs feeling Eddie take his hand again before running off the edge with him. 

Take a leap of faith

....

He will be gone

——

“Now I was told to give a toast even though I’m not the maid of honor or the best man. Honestly think they asked me because I’m funny” Richie laughs catching a few from the crowd. “But yknow. I’m honored in more ways than one. These losers are my family and I’d honestly take a bullet for them any day...knowing damn well they’d do them same for me”

Ben and Bev share an exchange before smiling at Richie. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my immediate family. But it was...honest to god a blessing reuniting with my losers. My second family that kept me out of trouble and made sure I was okay and vise versa. Ben is honestly not to sound corny, the poet in our group. Always finding the right words that can always soothe a person but also bring the reason to many. Let me re-site one of his works” Richie clears his throat. “Your hair is winter fire...January Embers...” 

The losers laughed especially Ben as Beverly snuck a kiss as Richie finishes the short but lovely poem. 

“Now the lovely artist Beverly Mar—correction. Beverly Hanscom. She may be a fashion designer for a career but the lady has the most beautiful art she made up on the walls of their home. Pieces in her fashion studio. But one thing that honestly all of us are capable of. Is using the talents we have to grasp reality of individuals which makes everything artistic she does look perfect. Like seriously. If you know the losers or honestly heard of the newly weds friends, she designed all of our suits with the interior having something that represents all of us. Truly a work of art and time well spent” 

Ooh, he will be gone

“What can I say? I love them with all my heart and...I don’t know where I would be without them” Richie smiles at the two as Bev quickly got up from their table instantly embracing Rich when he was done. 

Ooh, he will be gone

The reception continued as Richie grabbed his drink from the bar making his way to his losers. He smiles wrapping his arm around Eddie’s shoulder catching a smile from his man. 

His...

Ooh, Wait, wait till the signs are right

“Time for the mother/son father/daughter dance!” The DJ states into the mic as Ben kisses Beverly lovingly before parting to go get his mom. 

“So which lucky loser is dancing with the bride?” Richie asks catching laughs from his losers. “What?”

“It should be obvious Trashmouth” Bill smiles feeling Mike wrap his arm around the small of his back. 

Richie looked even more confused as Beverly snuck into the small puddle of losers. 

“Sorry to steal your man Eddie. But he’s my dance partner” Beverly smiles up at the man as Richie started to tear up. 

Wait till the perfect time

As the two make it to the dance floor. Patty leans over to her husband. 

“Do you think him and Eddie will be next to wed?”

“Patty Blum Uris...”

“What? Just stating obvious observation” Patty laughs feeling Stan kiss her temple. 

“Wanna bet on it?”

“Oh but I may be right”

“Hm. It’s either Reddie or...” Stan leans to her ear. “Hanbrough” he smiles watching Patty look over to Mike and Bill enough each other’s company. 

“My money is still on Reddie”

“Can we bet who gets engage first with our favorite restaurant? Who ever wins pays?”

“I’ll take you up on that, dove” Patty smiles getting a kiss from her husband. 

And you will wait too long he will be gone, he will be gone

Beverly smiles wrapping her arms around Richie’s shoulders. 

“Y’know”

“Know what?”

“He was worried when you went back to Maine. Honestly all of us were.”

“Just helping my parents out some stuff in storage. Plus it wasn’t Derry. So”

“That’s a relief. We didn’t want to come save your ass if you got attacked”

“Ouch Mrs. Hanscom. Just ouch” Richie laughs swaying to the music. 

“Eddie would’ve came and got you though. Honestly was gonna if you didn’t text me” Beverly watches the confused look grow. “He worries about you Richie. He has for the longest time”

“Well...I know there’s an obvious answer to why, but I’m going to ask anyway”

“Mm...when he was filing for divorce. He had a lot of personal reasons why he’s done with Myra that doesn’t involve the events during and after IT. But he felt awful for Myra blaming you. Honestly we all do. It wasn’t your choice to leave him and we physically pulled you out of there” 

Ooh, he will be gone

Ooh, he will be gone

“You’ve taken a lot of the blame for everything that has happened to him after he was recovered....He just. Worried.” Bev watching Richie hang his head down trying not to tear up. “Honey...he loves you. He loves you so much and I know you know. He’s always worried about our favorite Trashmouth” 

“Hm...did he tell you that I formally asked him to be my boyfriend last night?”

“Really? Well ain’t that the best next thing to happen” Bev smiles hearing the song die down as she brings Richie down to her level kissing his temple. “You deserve to be happy Richie” she parts from her friend going to her husband giving him a loving embrace. 

Wait, Wait till you don't doubt no more

After a bit of dancing and mingling, Eddie leaned against a pillar for the awning outside. He needs some fresh air and he was enjoying it with a glass of whiskey. But the moment got even better when Richie went outside in search for the Kaspbrak. 

“You per me a dance Eddie My Love”

“I won’t dance unless that’s the song”

“Oh? Really? Because I-“

“Richie. I’ll dance with you. To anything BUT that song” Eddie laughs a bit before smiling even more when Richie kisses his cheek. “Hey Richie?”

“Yeah?”

Wait till you know your sure

“Are you happy?” Eddie asks looking up at the skyscraper seeing him smile. God that smile. 

“I am, when I’m with you”

“Hey...”

“Yeah?”

“I love you”

Richie smiles taking his glass and setting it down before bringing Eddie close to his person. Taking a good long minute staring into Eddie’s eyes catching the awkward smile from the moment of staring. 

“Rich?”

“I love you so much more Eddie”

“Oh?”

“Not gonna deny it?”

“Richie...you’ve been in love with me since we were young. I’ve just been oblivious till now”

“Mm. Thank god I woke your ass up” Richie laughs making Eddie rolls his eyes before grabbing his tux jacket pulling him down and closer to him. An inch away...

“I’m the luckiest man alive”

“That’s my line”

“Shut up Richie...” Eddie smiles kissing Richie lovingly feeling him dip him but keep him closer than ever. 

And you will wait too long he will be gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, it’s been quite a challenge with this one. Let’s all agree...Writer’s block is a bitch. But I’m happy you all enjoy what I made 💙 It means a lot to me


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